My husband's daughter takes advantage of him

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and married. My husband is 54. I love him dearly. He is intelligent. We have been together since I was in high school. He takes care of me and I do the same. We have three children. Things got a little rough and he is unemployed. Two of the kids have to go to school. He has a business degree.

Pastor, he has applied for jobs everywhere, but no response. He has a daughter. She is the eldest child. She puts him through a lot. She has a two-year-old child and there is no father around. She doesn't know who the child's father is.

My husband is the one supporting the child. Pastor, he doesn't have it! I was working, but my contract ended so now I am searching for another job. I have seven CXC subjects and a diploma in nursing. My husband will do and give everything to his eldest daughter. He said if he doesn't get it in time to give her, he will steal just to give her.

She is 20. She doesn't know how to do anything. He is sickly and I am the only one around when he is ill. She just calls when she wants things. She lives with her mother, but her mother doesn't help.

Pastor, my husband is stern towards his daughter. Three years ago I overheard her on her phone telling someone she wants them to kill her father. I confronted her and she said she was tired of him.

I told her if I heard her saying such things again I would inform her dad. She asked me not to say anything. Even when he is sick and can hardly walk, he will climb the mountain for her.

I ask him when he is going to allow her to grow up. She can't make decisions on her own and she is raising a child. Sometimes I feel like walking away and leave them, but then I remember what he did for me.

He doesn't like the child to stay with her grandma because she drinks at times. He asked me to keep her and I told him no. Did I do the right thing or was I being unfair?

He doesn't care for his sons like he does for her. Sometimes I have to tell him he can't behave like that towards them. To me, his daughter and grandchild is the only thing he cares about.

Pastor, please help me. He said I don't like his daughter, but that's not true. I just don't like how she behaves. She is not a child anymore. Sometimes I tell him I am going to leave and he said I can't. Please help me.

M.M.

Dear M.M,

If your husband's daughter was speaking to someone about killing her father, that is not a joking matter. She can say that she was joking, but such thoughts should never cross the mind of a daughter. It was not good enough for you to warn or threaten that you would tell her father what you heard her say.

You should have told him. He may not have believed you, but at least you know that you did what was right.

I am sorry this man has lost his job and that you, too, are unemployed. It must be very difficult to support the children and yourselves.

Your husband's daughter should seek a job and support her child. She needs to stop relying on your husband. I hope that you do not give up on him. Stay with him and try hard to get yourself a job. You have my prayers.

Pastor