My wife wants to divorce me

Dear Pastor,

My wife and I have been married for seven years. We have two handsome sons. We were party people when we met. After we got married, we decided we would ease up on partying and try to save money. Soon after we were married, my wife got pregnant. She blamed me for getting her pregnant so soon after marriage. She said she

wanted to enjoy life a little with me as a married woman. I told her that wasn't the agreement.

When we were having sex after we got married we didn't use any protection at all. When our first child was one-year-old my wife got pregnant again and then another boy came. She fussed and fussed and said that she wanted a girl because she didn't want to get pregnant a third time. Believe it or not, she went back on the pill.

good jobs

She has a very good job and I have a good job. Both of us have cars. I suggested we sell one and save the maintenance money towards the house. She would have none of it, so she kept her car and I kept mine because I have to use it to do my work. My wife is always comparing us with other people and how well they are progressing. She wants everything her friends have, and we cannot afford it.

It was rumoured at her workplace that she is having an affair. I asked her about it and she did not deny it. She regrets marrying me and is now asking me for a divorce. I am not into this divorce thing, but she is unhappy with me. We tried counselling, but she has only been to see the counsellor once. When she should go back she said that she has already made up her mind to leave me so it did not make sense. I love my children.

My wife wants to go abroad. I can't stop her, but I do not want to give her the divorce. Kindly advise me. I listen to your show every night and you are doing a great job in the newspaper.

T.R.

Dear T.R.,

Your wife has admitted that she is having an affair. Evidently, she prefers that man. It is so unfortunate that she has decided to destroy her marriage. However, I want to tell you that you are fortunate to have her admit that she is having an affair. She could have lied about it, but she doesn't care. Her love for you is not genuine. Perhaps it was only sexual. The question is, does she love her children? I am sure she would say yes. You have tried to make the relationship work. You have gone to see a counsellor. She went once and decided not to go back. It does not make sense for you to try to hang on. She told you she has made up her mind to go. The question is, who would have custody of the children? Is it going to be shared custody or would you keep your sons? She wants to live abroad. Try your best to see that your children do not suffer as a result of this separation.

You cannot stop her from divorcing you, but make sure the matter is handled correctly. I hate to tell you that if you were to persuade this woman to stay with you she would continue to cheat because her heart is not in this relationship. Now that you know she has another man, may I ask a bold question? How is your sex life with her? If both of you are having sex make sure you protect yourself by using a condom.

Pastor