He wants to get me pregnant before marriage

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column from since I was a teenager and now I am 23 and about to be married. My fiancE is 24. He is the father of one child. I do not have children. He said he would love to have three children with me, but he would like to get me pregnant before we get married. The wedding is planned for June 2016.

At the moment, I am taking the pill. He wants me to stop. If I get pregnant, he says we can move the wedding forward. I do not want to get pregnant out of wedlock. I don't want my parents and the people at my church to know that I am sexually active. My fiancE attends the same church, but he

doesn't care what people say because we are engaged.

The pastor's wife is my good friend and we talk about every little thing. She asked me one day if I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told her no, but I was lying. I was afraid that she would tell her husband, who is the pastor of the church. Sometimes when I hear him preach I feel guilty because we are doing what we should not do as Christians.

My fiancE says that since we are planning to be married and we are engaged, it doesn't matter if we have sex. He said I am putting him through stress.

I have another problem. My fiancE does not earn as much as I and it troubles him. I told him that he should not let that bother him. He believes that the man should earn more than his wife. My mother and father have been married for many years and my mother makes more money than my dad, but it does not bother my dad at all. And my father is the leader of the home. My mother says that's how it should be.

My boyfriend is trying to get another job to earn more money.

Kindly comment on these two concerns that I have.

S.J.

Dear S.J.,

I hope that you will indeed become pregnant and that you and your husband will be able to raise the number of children that you wish to have. But let us assume that you never get pregnant. Is your husband saying that you would not be worthy of becoming his wife and not having children would make you less a woman? It seems to me that you are planning to marry a man who would like to have his own way, and you are probably so scared that you would lose him that you have allowed him to have you feel confused.

There are many men who have taken the same stand like your boyfriend. They believe that it's important to impregnate their women before they walk down the aisle. In fact, in certain parts of Africa, relatives expect the men to impregnate their women when they are engaged before they get married.

Dedicated Christian men believe that according to the scriptures, premarital sex is wrong. Your man should not insist that you become pregnant before both of you get married. It is also very unfortunate that some mothers-in-law tell their sons never to marry a woman before they impregnate them.

Concerning the salary that you earn, why should that be an issue? You have a childish and immature fiancE and you should tell him that he needs to grow up or leave you alone.

Pastor