My boyfriend raped me, got me pregrant

Dear pastor,

I am in my early 20s. I met a guy some years ago. We fell in love. He is older than I am. We have been dating for two years, but I have known him for three.

We met when I was in grade 13 in high school. He is a businessman. He is so loving and caring. I gave him my virginity when I became 21.

We wanted to get married, but I wanted to finish college first. He has two children. He broke up with their mother because of money issues. they remained just friends because of the children. I believed him and trusted him, but, after a while, I didn't trust him with her anymore.

Whenever we have an argument he leaves the country or tells me I should go on with my new boyfriend. Sometimes he travels on business without telling me. He said he didn't want me to worry about him that's why he didn't tell me. We continued having sex and kept planning to get married. One day he invited me to meet him. I went, but I told him I didn't want to have sex anymore because it was wrong, we should wait a while, until we get married. He didn't listen and forced himself inside me, from start to finish, without a condom. He thought I was refusing him because I had found someone else, but that's not true. I only love him. I got scared and upset. I quickly went home and cried.

It was two days after I remembered to take emergency contraceptive, but unfortunately, it didn't work. I got pregnant. I was so scared, afraid and confused. It's just my first year in college. I am very popular at church and my parents invested a lot of money in me.

I thought this man did this to ruin my life and reputation. I told him I didn't want to see him again, he should go back to his children's mother and leave me alone. He asked me to come live with him, I said no. He asked me to marry him, I said no.

I finished my first year of college and I showed no sign of pregnancy. I hardly ate because I threw up a lot, so I kept losing weight. I received an award for having a GPA of 3.0. I waited until I was six months pregnant before I told everyone. They all cried - my friends, family and church members - but they supported me all the way through. I never thought they would, so that's why I kept it to myself for so long.

he got married

I gave birth to a boy and I have started going back school. My parents stay with my son. My babyfather wanted to take the child from me. Since then, he has been giving me bad attitude, hardly sends money and, up to this day, he has not been near my child. He told me his first babymother had proposed to him and, because I was pushing him away so much, he accepted her proposa. They got married when I was three months pregnant. I didn't know all of this. He always lied to me and continued to have sex with me, too, while I was pregnant and after I gave birth. As I am writing to you, my heart is heavy and my body keeps shivering. My hands are shaking. I have only eaten once today, and also went to school and did an exam. How will I tell my family about this? Will my son hate me for pushing his father, and causing our family to split up? Or will he hate his father? I am already the talk of the town as 'virgin Mary', what will they say now? I got pregnant for a married man? I don't know what to do. I want him to tell his wife about me and my son, but he is afraid to. Pastor, please, I crave your thoughts and advice at this time.

Confused

Dear Confused,

First of all, let me tell you to stop condemning yourself. You made a big mistake, but you were tricked by an experienced man, who could be described as a deceiver. He is a much older man and led you down the wrong path.

However, you are not a bad girl. Many good girls, like you, have been deceived by much older men.

Some people may wonder why such an intelligent girl, like you, allowed a man to lead you astray, but it has happened to you because you are very trusting. What has happened to you should make you aware that you cannot believe everything a man says.

I commend you for doing well in school. Whenever you feel discouraged and hear people criticising you, think of your accomplishments and give God thanks for his blessings. Think also of your parents. You are fortunate to have good parents. They haven't condemned you and haven't asked you to leave their home. They are willing to help. Your mother is making a great sacrifice by taking care of the baby so you can return to school.

This man is trying to blame you for what happened. The man is a liar. He had his woman a long time ago. He was determined to marry her. If he wanted to marry you, he would not have taken you seriously when you said no to his proposal. Please, remember, that many women have become pregnant and have had children, but have not allowed that to hinder them from pursuing their goals in life.

Pastor