My cheating man has no ambition

Dear Pastor,

I have been with my boyfriend for eight years. We do not live together, but I stay with him every weekend. He lives with his mother and father. He is an only child for both of them. His parents do not believe that education is important. He left high school with five CXC subjects. He is now 27 and they control his life. They tell him what to wear and whether he can go out. Not his father so much, but his mother. If he wants to buy something for me, her comment would be that I should use my own money. He says she is joking, but I know she is not. It happened more than once. He bought something for me and when she saw it, he asked her if she wanted it. How disrespectful is that?

They want him in the bush looking after cows and doing other farm work which he is no good at, and he hates it. But I fear he has no ambition. The only thing he thinks about is going to America, which he is unable to do. About the sixth year in our relationship, his mother told him that he should find a white woman and marry so that she can take care of him. I sat there feeling like a nobody. At that time I was in college. I am now a teacher.

I came to his house one day and searched his phone, only to find out that he was having sex with another girl. We argued and he said that he only had sex with her and nothing more. He is always texting other women, even late at nights in the bed. They call him all the time. I searched his phone and found out that he goes on Facebook to send messages to other women, asking for their numbers.

This year, I searched his phone again and found out that he has naked pictures of this girl that I know. They are having sex, but he is denying it. He deleted the girl number but still calls her and texts her. I saw a text where she said that she knew about me and she was okay with me but he wants to have another woman in the picture apart from me.

READY FOR A GOOD MAN

I went away for a few months and when I came back, I found out that he is still in contact with this girl and another one has joined the list. I love this man, but I am ready to leave him and find a good man. I must say he treats me well. I get whatever I ask him for, but I cannot be with someone who does not love and respect me enough to be with only me.

I feel trapped and I do not know how to get out. Every time I see him, all I see is how much he is hurting me; and he does not care, because he is not stopping. I feel like I have wasted eight years of my life on this man and I want to leave now. Please, give me your advice.

J.C.

Dear J.C.

Some people might say that it is amazing that you have spent 8 years with this man. You know you are not loved by his mother. She wants an American white woman for her son. You know you have only been used. You complain that the man has no ambition. He doesn't want to be a farmer, but you believe he is there to please his parents.

Wake up, girl. This man doesn't love you. This man is playing around with other women and is wasting your time. I don't have to tell you to leave him. But even if you were to remain another eight years with him, the years would be wasted. So, move on.

This man looks at you and he says in his heart, you are a fool. And his mother is wondering if you can't see that the only use you have is to have sex with her son. It is time for you to go.

Pastor