My wife doesn’t want me to see her naked

Dear Pastor,

I am a 38-year-old man and I have become a Christian. I joined a particular church, where I met a woman.

We became close and went out a couple of times. I felt that she was the type of woman I could settle down with. She has one son, who is 20 years old. He gave me the cold shoulder at first, but then he came around.

This guy asked me what was my intention towards his mother. I asked him what he meant, and he asked whether I intended to marry her; I told him yes. That was the end of our conversation. He is a university student, so he is always locked away in his room. His mother told me that he has a girlfriend, but she doesn't come there often.

This is her house; she said her father helped her to purchase it. She is a strict Christian. Believe me, Pastor, she did not allow me to touch her before we got married. I asked her how I would know if she was a woman. She said I would have to take her word for it; and I know that she is a woman because she has a son. She said that as a Christian, I have to learn to control myself. We had a very private wedding. Her pastor is not a marriage officer, so he got someone else to conduct the wedding. I did not have to wear a suit, but I bought her a ring. After we got married we went to a restaurant; just five of us.

On our wedding night, she wouldn't take off her clothes. She asked me to switch off the lights. After I did, she asked me to turn my back and not to look at her. I thought, 'Something must be wrong with this woman.' But believe me, nothing was wrong with her. She prayed for me and herself and her son and for everybody she could remember. When she would not stop, I tried to remove her clothes, but she flashed me off and called me ungodly. She was so upset with me, but eventually I was able to have sex with her. After we slept, I tried to have sex with her again, but she called me a devil and told me she did not marry me because she wanted sex. I told her that my main reason for marrying her was because I want sex. She is still hiding herself under sheets and not allowing me to see her private parts.

How can I be her husband and not be able to look at her? She told me I am not her doctor. I am not trying to examine this woman, but I want to know why she is hiding herself from me. This woman said that she didn't have sex for years after she had her child. She went into the church, and that was it. I can't live the type of life she wants me to live. She calls me a sex maniac. What am I doing wrong? I really want to know.

S.B.

Dear S.B.,

From what you have written, I cannot say that you are doing anything that is wrong.

This woman evidently has inhibitions that she has to get over. For years she has been living with her son and she covered up herself. She did not want her son to see too much of her body, and nothing is wrong with that. But now she is married and life has changed. She should know that there is nothing wrong in being in the nude with her husband. But I want to assure you that what she is doing is nothing new.

Many women do not allow their husbands to see them naked. It may surprise you that there are men who do not allow their women to see them in the nude. I don't know anywhere in the Bible where a woman or man was told not to allow their spouse to see their nakedness.

How can a married couple enjoy each other without seeing each other naked? That sounds crazy, but it happens all the time. Such persons need to have professional help. Therefore, I suggest that you ask this woman whether both of you can go to see a family counsellor as early as possible. I hope she would agree, because by doing so she would save your marriage.

Pastor