My girlfriend is pregnant for my c-oworker

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have a problem. I am 30 years old. My girlfriend is 33 years old. She is presently pregnant, but she confessed to me that the child she is carrying is not for me. She said that she cheated on me while I was on a short course in America.

I asked her why and she said her father got into trouble and was arrested and she had to get money to retain a lawyer. She called a friend, who told her that he would help her. He was a good friend of hers while she was attending school and he always asks her for sex, but he was too wild.

Both of them agreed to meet at a hotel and they spent the weekend together. He did not have condoms and she did not have any. She told him that he should go and get a condom, but he promised her that nothing would happen and he would not discharge in her. But he never kept his word. She felt him when he was about to ejaculate and she tried to push him off, but it was too late.

By the time she missed her period, I was back. She told him she was pregnant and he encouraged her to carry the baby. She said she did not want to do an abortion, either. She is asking me to forgive her and not to let anybody know that she cheated. I have never cheated on her, but I have had many occasions that I could have done so.

Since she told me what she did, I feel like scorning her. Life is not the same with us, but she is always doing things to please me. If I leave her, my relatives would want to know why. I have not told anybody what she has done. It is hard for me because I know the man. He and I used to work together. We are in the same profession. Every time I see him, I feel he is laughing at me. Something has to be done, because I can't be in the same house with my woman, knowing that she is having a baby by this man.

Please, give me your advice.

T.N.

Dear T.N.,

Perhaps what you can do is to allow this woman to carry her baby. But while she is pregnant, she should make plans to leave. I am sure you will find it very difficult to be in the same house with her. And it might even be worse after she has given birth and to see the little baby. You may love the baby, but you will never truly relate to the mother and, perhaps, to the child.

I beg you not to be too hard on this woman, because after she became pregnant, she didn't have to tell you that she cheated. She could have given the impression that you were responsible for her pregnancy. Of course, you would have eventually found out, because you can count and you would have known that it would be totally impossible for you to impregnate her while you were away.

If you have decided to let her go, please be gentle about it. I wish both of you well.

Pastor