Married to a one-minute man

Dear Pastor,

I am married and I have two children, but they are not for my husband. They are for two different men.

I used to be popular with the guys when I was younger. The first child is a girl and the second a boy.

My first child was an accident because the condom burst. The man was twice my age. I did not know what to do.

I was living at home with my parents and my father said I could not stay there because he was an elder in the church.

So, I went to live with my grandmother. The man did not own the child. It was my father who supported me while I was living with my grandmother.

After the child was born, the man started to come around and my grandmother told him that while I had the stomach he did not support me, so we could do without him now.

I went back to live with my parents. After two years, I got pregnant again. This time, it was for a man who promised to marry me. My parents liked him.

I did not know that he was married before until one day I got a call from his wife. I told her the truth. So this man and I broke up.

I became a Christian and I met this man who is now my husband. I told him my life's story and warned him not to ask me for sex until we were married.

After six months, we became engaged and he kept begging me for sex. He was in the security business and he lived alone under poor conditions.

One Sunday after church, I went to visit him and he tried to have sex with me and I fought him off. He said I wanted him to buy 'puss in bag'.

I told him we should get married soon. So we got married in a small ceremony. But I am never satisfied when we have sex. He is very rough. He doesn't get me wet.

As he inserts his penis, he ejaculates. I tried to tell him that he should play with me, but he said that Christians should not do those things.

I talked to the mother of the church about my problem and my husband was vexed. He said I embarrassed him because the church mother said she would get her husband to talk to him.

I love my husband, but I am burning for good sex. I told him I was going to write to you for advice and when you answer, we would read it together because we always read your column in THE STAR.

B.C

Dear B.C.,

Perhaps your husband and yourself did not attend pre-marital counselling before you got married.

Both of you were in the church and were trying to live a good Christian life. And you knew what you went through with the two other guys who were in your life.

So, you did not want anybody to use you again. You insisted that you would not engage in pre-marital sex. However, what both of you failed to do was to attend pre-marital counselling.

Among the subjects that are discussed there is sexual intercourse and foreplay. Your husband is speaking ignorantly when he says that Christians do not engage in foreplay.

People say things that Christian couples should and should not do, and they make Christians look uninformed.

The Bible teaches that sex among married couples is for pleasure and also for procreation. Your husband needs to learn that.

Therefore, I suggest that both of you try to find these books 'Intended for Pleasure' by Ed Wheat, MD, and Gayle Wheat, and 'The Act of Marriage' by Tim and Beverly Lahaye.

They will tell you just about everything that you need to know. I hope that you will buy these books and read them and put their suggestions into practice.

Pastor