My husband is pretending to be a Christian

Dear Pastor,

I am a 31-year-old female and I am a Christian. I have been baptised for four years now.

I met my husband a year after I got saved. We got married a year after. I have been trying so hard with this man, but it's complicated. I pray, I fast and I let him know the things I don't like that he is doing. He cheats repeatedly and lacks respects. No one believes that he is so abusive verbally, because he acts nicely. Behind closed doors, the beast is out. I am an independent and firm lady. I even suggested counselling, but he says he is fully unruly.

I know that God can turn any situation around, but sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself. I even told him that I want a divorce. I sought advice from friends and family members. They said that God is in charge and he will change. I'm at my last straw with him. It is not like I am holding on for money or anything like that. I really want him to change his ways. I have not seen any interest from him as it relates to making changes. I am so unhappy. I am cheating myself of happiness because of this unruly man. Mighty God! He even got saved by choice. Pastor, it didn't even last a week. I need your advice, Pastor, as soon as possible.

S.G.

Dear S.G.,

It seems to me that you got married to this man after you became a Christian.

You probably made a mistake as a Christian to marry such an ungodly man. There are so many women who are like you who are trying to change their husbands. That is a big mistake women make. You cannot change a man. Nevertheless, I do not want to give the impression that some men do not change their behaviour. All I am saying is that women are incapable of changing the behaviour of men.

Some years ago I was talking to a married woman, who told me how the man she married was a bad man, and how he was very wild, and how he had many women. But she bragged to me how she changed him. I listened patiently. At another time, her husband was speaking to me and he raised the issue of having many women. He said his wife believes that he is finished with that kind of behaviour. But he was laughing at her. He told me he goes home soon after work in the evening. He does not stay out or visit his women any more after work, and that was one reason why his wife believed that she had cooled him. But he was still having affairs with other women. He was meeting them at different times of the day, and he took them to hotels during lunch time. His wife thought that she had him under control. But that was far from the truth.

I could understand that you would like to see your husband serve God and attend church like you. But God has to do that special miracle in his life. God has to transform him by the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ and make him a new person. You said that this man 'got saved' and his salvation did not last a week. That is nonsense. Perhaps he walked the aisle in a church or said a simple prayer, but he was not truly born again. Salvation is forever. I will not try to explain this powerful doctrine here. Please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying a man cannot sin after he is born again, but what some people called saved is a misunderstanding of biblical truth.

Your husband is making a mockery of you. But I would urge you to continue to pray for him; don't give up, and I will join you in praying for him, too. May God bless you.

Pastor