Husband says he doesn’t love me any more

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I enjoy listening to you at nights. I look forward to hearing certain callers.

I am Jamaican but my husband is not. We have been married for eight years. He is a chef and I am a nurse. Pastor, I love this man so much and I get along very well with his relatives.

But a few months ago, my husband shocked me by telling me that he is not in love with me any more. I asked him what he meant, and he said I have not done him anything, but the love he had for me has died and that has been happening for a long time. I tried to reason with him. He repeated what he told me: I have not done him anything that is wrong, but the feelings he had for me have died. He said I will be better off finding somebody who is madly in love with me. I could not sleep for the rest of the night; I cried and cried. You should see me. I am a good-looking woman. I am not overweight. I exercise every day. I asked my husband who is the girl that he is going with and he said he doesn't have any woman. I have never cheated on this man. The thought has never crossed my mind.

I spoke to his mother about the problem and she cannot understand why he wants to break up with me. She said he has never complained to her about me. She promised that she would speak to him. He was very upset when she spoke to him. He said that love can be forever, but sometimes love between two people can go sour. The love that he had for me has gone sour. I have been doing everything to get this man to change his mind and stay with me. I used to restrict the number of times we make love. I have stopped doing that now and when he comes into bed, I am all over him. He enjoys what I am doing; he told me so. But he still wants to leave me.

Is there anything that I can do to save my marriage? Please help me.

Anonymous

Dear Writer,

Your husband made up his mind to leave you a long time ago. His decision was not made overnight.

As to whether he has another woman in his life, I do not know. But it seems to me that the relationship is almost dead. A couple should stay with each other forever if they are in love with each other. But when they are not in love with each other, they can never be happy.

There was a famous preacher who was married for many years, and one day his wife told him that she was going to leave him because she was tired of the relationship. She did not want to be a pastor's wife any more. He was shocked. He did not know what to do. He told the leaders of his church what his wife said and they spoke to his wife about the situation. She told them that he had not done anything wrong, but she did not want to be a pastor's wife any more. I was in Atlanta, Georgia, when the announcement was made that the church was going to have a meeting to decide whether they will keep the preacher as their pastor. The good news was that the church voted unanimously to retain the pastor, and this lady left her husband and went her way.

My dear sister, you don't know what's on this man's mind. But I would say to you, allow him to go and set yourself free.

Pastor