My helper is better in bed than my girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and my girlfriend is having a problem with me. When I was 15, I had sex for the first time with a big woman.

She was our helper and she was always there with us. When my older sister couldn't be at home because she had to work late, the helper was there.

Sometimes she would sit and watch television with us until she was ready to go to her own room.

I used to see her as a motherly figure, until she started to put questions to me about girlfriends and sex.

When nobody was around, she would dress and sit in such a way to almost exposing herself. One day she touched me and I pulled away.

She told me I shouldn't pull away because she used to bathe me and she knew what I had already.

More and more she became open about how she admired me. And I found myself taking her on. I started to have erections and I would go into my room and masturbate.

One night while I was in my room, she knocked on the door and told me we should 'do it'. She took off some of her clothes and said she would teach me.

She was prepared because she had a condom. This was my very first time. I did not say anything to anybody. But I used to try and get home before everybody.

One day, my oldest sister said to me that she noticed that I was very close to the helper and she asked what was going on. I told her nothing.

Neither my parents nor anyone else ever found out because I became very careful.

I have a girlfriend, but I don't enjoy having sex with her as much as I enjoyed it with the helper. Sometimes when my girlfriend and I are having sex, I have to pretend that she is the helper.

I even called the helper's name one day when we were having sex. Do you think this is going to affect me when I grow older and get married?

J.L.

Dear J.L;

I have received many letters from young men who were introduced to sex by helpers at a very early age. I am convinced that some employers are careless and naive.

They seem not to realise that as their boy children grow up, their helpers often admire them and introduce sex to them.

Some of these guys become excited and by the time the parents come to realise that something might be going on, the desire for these young men to be with these helpers is very strong.

You were taught how to do everything by this much older woman. You didn't mean for it to go that way, but she enticed you.

And she was a woman of experience and she used it to get you and to give you sexual satisfaction. You will never forget her.

And even if you were to learn to love your girlfriend, it may take you a long time to forget the helper, if ever.

If the relationship you are having with your girlfriend will last, you are going to have to undergo therapy.

In fact, you probably should try to make an appointment to see a counsellor alone, even before you consider getting engaged, because this helper has messed up your mind.

I hope you do not accuse your girlfriend of rejecting you. She knows that something is wrong. But I am not suggesting that you tell her that you have had a sexual relationship with the helper.

Just make sure that you make an appointment to see a family counsellor or psychologist.

Pastor