Husband not touching me since I became pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I am in my mid 20s and I am married. My husband says that my features have totally changed and I can see that in myself.

When I stand before the mirror, I see that my breasts and nipples are very large. My husband used to enjoy playing with my breasts, but now he ignores them and my nipples are darker. He does not like the way I look. I somewhat wonder what to do to keep my husband attracted to me. My husband never used to turn his back on me. Now he does that all the time. Sometimes he is really not asleep, but he pretends to be.

I have found myself masturbating because my husband is not paying the sort of attention to me that he used to. I asked him if he is seeing another woman and he told me no. But this is the man who always wanted us to have sex several times per week. He can now go without sex for four weeks and it doesn't bother him. I would not want to know that my husband is seeing another woman because I love him so much. Sometimes he goes into the bathroom and spends a long time and I suspect that he masturbates when he is in there. I asked him if that is what he does and he didn't answer me. He told me to try and sleep.

I can't talk to anybody about my problem. But in a month or so, I am going to have baby, so I am looking forward to that and I hope that my husband's attitude towards me will change. I should let you know that I have really become very fat, but my doctor told me I do not need to worry, I would become physically attractive to my husband after I give birth. One of my girlfriends told me that her husband ignored her because she could not have sex with him in certain positions when she was pregnant. He got involved with another woman. I know my husband is not involved with another woman.

What should I do?

E.W.

Dear E.W.,

I remember counselling a married woman who was pregnant and she complained that her husband was ignoring her and told her how ugly she was looking.

It bothered her. She felt that he might have got involved with another woman, but he didn't. It was just the fact that he could not deal with the physical change that was taking place in his pregnant woman. Men need to understand that when a woman is pregnant, her breasts and nipples will become enlarged and that her nipples may become very dark in colour. But nothing is wrong with the women. Some women become very miserable during pregnancy and may turn off a man. But other women say that they want their men much more during pregnancy. Perhaps your husband has heard that some women do have problems during pregnancy if they try to stimulate their breasts.

In one of my counselling sessions, a woman told me that her doctor told her that she should cease having sexual intercourse when she was about eight months pregnant. She said she felt very sexy and asked her husband to have sex with her and he said no, but she insisted and he angrily turned her over and had sex with her and soon after he ejaculated, he had to rush her to the hospital and she delivered their child. What I am trying to say is that some men are under pressure when their women are pregnant and some women demand a little too much from the men.

Accept what your doctor says; things will change after you have given birth. That is how I see it.

Pastor