Frustrated that I’m still not married

Dear Pastor,

I have have been reading your column since I was a girl. I'm a Christian. I am now 30.

I had a boyfriend. Pastor, my body is in good shape, but I am yet to be married. I have been waiting on God to send me the right man but he has not showed up. I go on dates but leaving not liking these men. I am wondering if something is truly wrong with me.

I am employed and I take great care of myself. I work out, and I can't seem to be in peace when I walk on the streets. I love to cook, and usually I stay at home. Some may say that I am choosy. At nights, I cry because I see people my age and younger who are married and have started families. My mother keeps telling me that I am getting old and I should pick someone and settle down. Even my co-workers mock me and ask, "What's wrong with her? Why can't she find a man?"

The truth is I try, but I can't seem to find anyone at church. My question is, how can I find a man of God and not be tricked? Can you please list some qualities of a good Christ-like man? I am eagerly awaiting your response.

W.W.

Dear W.W.,

You are still young; you are only 30 and you shouldn't be worried about turning an old maid, so to speak.

It is not wrong for your mother to encourage you to seek a man, but she should not give you the impression that you should pick up anybody and get married. That would be a very sad mistake to make.

It is not appropriate for me to list the criteria that you should be looking for in a man. I am sure you have that list in your mind. As a Christian, I am assuming that you would want to find a man who is also a practising Christian, not just a man who claims to be God-fearing. Many Christian women make the mistake by saying that the men they are looking for as husbands don't have to be Christians but just God-fearing. To me that is the recipe for disaster. A born-again woman needs a man who is born again, and vice versa.

Let me not fail to point out that there are certain requirements for a successful and happy relationship. I am sure you know that you need a person who is honest and trustworthy. You will not be able to change this man, but you should always go on dates. As you date, you will come to know the man better; you wouldn't even have to question him a lot. You would find out if he is honest and sincere; and if he knows how to handle money and whether he is in a steady job. His religious background is also important. Two people do not have to attend the same church, but their religious views should not be far from each other.

It is not wise for a woman to marry a man whose doctrine is far apart from hers. They may always be in constant arguments, and it would affect their children. How could a Seventh-day Adventist marry someone in the Baptist or Church of God demonination and not constantly argue about the Sabbath? The Sabbath keeper is likely to tell her all the time that she is worshipping the Pope, and that pork is not good to eat.

I believe that you understand certain things and that is why you find it difficult to find a man. There are some women who are very prominent in church. They believe that they should control their husbands, and so the spiritual role of the husband should be well known and that spiritual role of the man and woman should be understood. The role of a woman in the home and the role of a man cannot be ignored, either. Therefore, as the couple dates each other, they would know whether they are compatible.

Even the matter of love is so greatly misunderstood in our day. Therefore, it could be very helpful for persons who are interested in each other to seek counselling before they get engaged and make commitments to each other. At what stage is a person in love?

Stop crying; the good Lord will provide you a partner. Ignore those who are wondering why you have not yet found a man. Many women get married when they are in their 20s, others in their 30s and later. Just make sure that you get married 'in the Lord'. I will be praying for you. Keep seeking the face of the Lord and he will provide a partner for you in his own time.

Pastor