My mother-in-law is too miserable

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you and I would like you to give me some advice. I am a 24-year-old woman and my husband is 26.

We have been married for two and a half years, but we moved into his parents' home more than a year ago. We are living on the small side of his parents' house. It's a two-bedroom house. We have our own kitchen and bathroom. We are paying them rent, which is $50,000 per month. My husband wanted us to live here because his parents need the help and he wanted to be close to them. I reluctantly agreed to move into their home because in my mind, we are like tenants. Fifty thousand dollars per month is not 'patty money', and we pay our own light and contribute to the water bill.

Now, I think that I regret moving here. His mother treats me as if I am a child, and I had to remind her last week that I am paying rent and not living for free in her house. I told my husband that if she continues to harass me, one of these days when he comes home, I will be gone. I am a considerate person, but this woman does not want to hear me play the radio or to listen to any talk show that she does not approve of. On Saturdays, I like to listen to 'oldies', and she complains that I am not respectful to her Sabbath. So I turned my radio down, but not off, and she still complains.

None of my relatives can visit me on weekends. She is annoyed by that. My husband has told her that he is unhappy with the way she behaves and he wants me to be happy. My husband and I are not Sabbath keepers, but we try our best to live in peace with this woman. Last Christmas, I was preparing ham and she was offended because she could smell it.

At present I am pregnant. I will soon give birth and I am hoping to have my mother come and stay with me, but I know that my mother and mother-in-law will not get along because my mother has a healthy social life and she dances to sweet music. But my mother-in-law believes that it is wrong to dance and to enjoy one's self. Would you agree that we should move out from this place and live somewhere else? My husband is trying to tell me to ignore his mother, but I can tell you, Pastor, it is very hard to ignore her. Thank you for reading my letter.

K.C.

Dear K.C.,

Your mother-in-law is evidently a very miserable woman, and that is because she sees her son as a boy who is living in her house.

She has not recognised that he is a grown man and paying rent, so he should be respected and not made to feel unhappy. Your mother-in-law should be glad to have you around so that you can be of assistance if she becomes ill. She is not a wise woman. You have a right to enjoy the facility you are paying for every month and you are quite correct, $50,000 per month for the small side of a house is a big sum. So although her son would love for you to try to tolerate her behaviour, if she continues her harassment, you should persuade your husband to seek another place where you can live in peace. That is the right thing to do.

You say that you keep your radio low, especially when your mother-in-law is observing her Sabbath. Continue to be respectful. Tell your husband to warn her that when you leave, she will never be able to get a tenant as quiet as both of you. Take care of yourself always.

Pastor