Need to find a man who fulfils my needs

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old woman and I am still dating. I have never been married, but I have had many boyfriends.

I sometimes wonder what I am doing wrong. I was told that I am beautiful and sexy. The men in my age group are users; married men and older men have treated me better than young men.

Some of the guys in my age group are broke. I am not intellectually stimulated by them. All they talk about is sex. The older men assist me in many ways. Recently, I was unable to pay my rent for two months and this older man I met at my workplace had given me his number and I called him and asked for help. By the following day, he came by my workplace and handed me a cheque for the full amount of rent I owed. Tears came to my eyes; especially when he said, "Please don't tell anybody about this, I would not want my wife to know what I have done for you." The amount he gave me was $78,000. This man has never called me to go out with him for a drink.

I called him after the cheque was cleared and I paid my rent, and I told him that I would love to see him whenever he was available. He said that he would see me whenever he came back to my office to do business. Pastor, I got the message, and the message was he is not interested in me. I have a boyfriend who is 26 years old. He has a car, but he is always asking me to help him to pay for it or to buy tyres, even though he is working. I am giving myself six more months with this guy, but by the end of the year, I plan to end the relationship with him because it does not make any sense.

Some girls look for men to help them, but that is not only true of girls; men are doing the same thing. Some men can't even find lunch money to give to women but they want women to love them. I have made up my mind to remain single until the right man comes along, but it's taking too long. I do not want to become old before I have my first child. Do you agree with me?

E.H.

Dear E.H.,

As I thought about your letter, I remember hearing that schoolgirls prefer to have older men as their boyfriends.

The reason they have given is, "schoolboy money done by lunchtime". Older men's money last a long time. You are a grown woman and you are saying that men your age don't have much to give, and they are users. It is not fair for you to put all men in that category. Some young men work very hard and when they meet good women, they don't use them, they discuss their future with them, and they end up getting married. Older men have worked hard also, and they have saved and invested, and sometimes they have much more than younger men. But there are some older men who have nothing and they fool young women, use them and dump them, so to speak.

This older man you met at your workplace was very kind. Don't push yourself on to him. He assisted you by giving you enough to pay your rent. Don't try to get into an intimate relationship with him. You have a boyfriend; discuss your future with him and if, indeed, the relationship doesn't make sense, move on.

Pastor