Husband thinks I’m cheating

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 years old and I am married. My husband is 36 and I am having a very serious problem with him.

I have two children, but they are not for him. At present, I am not working, so I have to depend on him for everything. That will soon change, because I went to an interview and I was called and told that I got the job.

I don't know what to do about my husband. He is saying that I am having an affair with one of my past lovers. This guy and I had a relationship and he is the father of my first child, but we broke up. The only communication he has with me now is concerning his child. My husband went out of the island for two weeks and when he came back, he told me that he heard that I went out with the guy, and that people saw us together.

I did not go out with this man. We met once at the supermarket and he picked up some stuff for his son. He put it on his credit card because he told me that he did not have any money. He purchased enough for the whole family. He did not take me home; I took a taxi. So when my husband told me that I was seen with the man, I told him that the only time I saw this man was in the supermarket. I was trying to be honest with my husband, but he used it against me. That same night I was having sex with my husband and he said my vagina was not the same. I asked him what he meant and he said this is not the way he left my vagina; another man went there. I told him he was crazy. He said he knows how 'down there' is. I could not sleep for the rest of the night because my husband considered me a whore, and called me so.

I called one of my friends and I asked him if a man can know if his woman has had sex with another man, and he said that is possible. He asked me why I asked him the question, but I did not tell him. I did not want him to tell anybody, but I know that I did not have sex with any man for the two weeks my husband was away. I have an aunt who is a nurse and I trust her. I told her what my husband accused me of and she said she has heard that argument many times, but she does not believe that that is possible. She then asked me if I cheated and I told her no, and she told me not to worry myself. I am eager to start working.

My husband is not a bad man, but it seems that he is under pressure and he is fussing over every little thing that is not going right in the house. I write to you because I believe that you would be frank with me. Is it true that a man can know if his woman has cheated and has had sex with another man? I will be looking out for your comment.

L.W.

Dear L.W.,

Let me answer your question by telling you something that a young woman told me.

She said her boyfriend used to accuse her of cheating, and he was speaking the truth because she did cheat on him, but they made up. One day, they were having sexual intercourse and her boyfriend said to her, "Well, you have really stopped cheating. I know, because I sense a change down there." She said, "Pastor, I hugged him, and so on, but I laughed because it was only the night before that I had sex with another man."

My dear, you know that you were not unfaithful to your husband. So your aunt is quite correct; don't allow what your husband said to depress you. But I would say to you that I have heard about that. I have heard men say that they can know if their women have cheated on them, because there is a big change in the vagina. I don't know of any scientific proof of that.

I would say to you, you know that you have not done anything wrong, so keep calm and continue to be a faithful wife.

Pastor