Husband tore my underwear after I refused sex

Dear Pastor,

I have been married for six years. My husband is four years younger than I am.

I am not always in the mood to have sex, but my husband is. He is always grumbling that he should not have married me; he should have married his babymother. Sometimes it is his attitude that turns me off. When he wanted to have sex with me and I said no, he tore up my underwear and tried to roll me over. How could that be right? One night when he tried to roll me over, I told him that he can go on the road and pay a prostitute. I did not mean what I said, but he got out of the bed, went away and did not come back until the following day. I tried my best to call him, but he turned his phone off. I could not sleep. When he came home the following day, he told me that he went to his babymother instead of a prostitute.

I love this man more than tongue can tell, and I try to accommodate him all the time, but I think that sex is going to kill him. He says he is not getting enough. Sometimes I am so exhausted. He may be on me for a long time and I climax several times before he ejaculates. I don't want him to leave me and go back to his child's mother. Whenever I know he is coming home and I am in the mood, I prepare myself well for him. Sometimes I am scantily dressed and he lifts me from the living room straight into the bedroom. I have never got pregnant, and that is something we have talked about. According to my doctor, I will never get pregnant, but that does not worry my husband because he has a child already.

Pastor, we have sex three or so times per week. I told him that is enough, but he said that I must stop counting how many times I make love per week. He said his father and mother had sex just about every night, because when he was growing up, he could hear them in the bedroom. Another thing, my husband likes to talk when we are making love. He likes to hear me tell him whether I am enjoying it. I like us to remain on the bed, but he likes us to go down on the floor sometimes. Please say a word of encouragement to me so I can know how to deal with my husband.

R.M.

Dear R.M.,

You say that this man is younger than you, but that you love him. You are concerned because he likes lots of sex and you have tried to facilitate him, but he feels you are not doing enough.

This man came home and he wanted you. You told him that you were tired and he tore up your underwear. You should have insisted that he go out the following day and buy you very expensive ones; I am just joking. You made a mistake by telling this man that you were not interested in making love that night so he could go to prostitute. How could you send your man to a prostitute? Why should he go and buy sex when you are his wife? You should have probably compromised and asked him to allow you to rest, then later on in the night you could have fun.

Don't chase your husband away from you again. Lots of other women are on the road who would be glad to entertain him. You claim to make love three or four times per week. To some couples, that is enough, but to others, sex every night is routine. Your husband and you should decide what is convenient to both of you, but you should not stick with the routine. Sex can be very entertaining and enjoyable when it is spontaneous.

You do not seem to be aggressive when it come to lovemaking, but you have to learn that some men love when their women go after them, grab them and turn them on. Don't behave as an old woman; and remember that even old women have learned how to cause young husbands to bawl.

On the Dear Pastor Show, a woman told me that her husband was always behaving as a hot rod, but sometimes when she gives him a good one, he sleeps for days. Perhaps you need to learn to do like this woman.

Pastor