‘Mother woman’ breaking up my relationship

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column, but I never thought that the day would come when I have to write to you.

When I started reading your column, I used to tell myself that the women who write to you do not have any sense. However, I have found myself in a situation and I don't know what to do.

I have been living with a man for the past two years. We had a child together before we started to live together. That child is now four years old. One day the man came home and accused me of cheating on him. I asked him why would he say such foolishness and he said I am cheating because his mother told him that she saw me with a man.

I asked him where she saw me and she said it was in a dream and she called out to me, but woke up shortly after. I called his mother while he was there and I asked her if the man was kissing me or having sex with me. She said she didn't see that part, but the man and I were very close.

I lost control of myself and cursed her. I used the 'F' word. My boyfriend was very angry, so I apologised. I did not know that this woman didn't like me. To make matters worse, I asked my boyfriend if he believes what his mother said and he said yes, because anything that his mother dreams about is true. I told him that if it is bun he wants, I will bun him because I have been a clean woman to him; keeping myself together, doing my wifely duties, and now he is accusing me of cheating. I have never even looked at another man since he and I became lovers and he got me pregnant.

When I first met him, I was talking to another guy, but I broke up with that guy when I realised that my babyfather was serious about me. His family members are not educated people and they believe in obeah. His mother has people who come to see her every week. She gives people baths and oils to keep evil spirits away from them. Even after we started to live together, she gave my babyfather a bath. Can you imagine that a big man allowed his mother to use bush and bathe him?

My mind has turned from this man. Sometimes I don't feel to drive in his car. I am not advertising myself, but I know I am a clean woman and I shouldn't be mixed up with this man.

This man says he cannot trust me anymore; he has more confidence in what his mother told him. He is a good father but he is very ignorant. Please tell me what I should do.

G.

Dear G.,

Before you got involved with this man, you should have tried to know him better.

It is unwise for a woman to become intimate with a man and she hasn't checked out his background and his educational standard. You told me in your letter the type of work this man does apart from running robot taxi. This man does not reason very well.

I can understand why you think his mother doesn't like you. She probably wants to break up the relationship. In a dream she saw you talking to a man and you were very close to this man, so she told her son that you were having an intimate relationship with the man and her son believed her. You are fortunate that she did not say that she saw the man and you in bed. I wish I could tell you that this man is going to change. He will change, but that is after he has stopped listening to his mother. Clearly he has put his mother before you.

Readers may not agree with me, but, now that you know the type of woman you have as your mother-in-law, you probably shouldn't even trust her with your daughter. She may soon tell you that an evil spirit is around your daughter and she will have to give her a bush bath. She might even go further to suggest that you should take one too.

I am sorry you lost your cool and used expletives to your boyfriend's mother; try your best to control yourself. I hope you won't carry out the threat that you made to him about going with another man.

Pastor