19-y-o daughter’s fiancé could be her granddad

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you for your fatherly advice. I am a widow. I have two daughters; one is abroad and one is at home with me.

The one who is here is 19 years old. She told me a year ago that she has a boyfriend and she would like him to meet me. I told her that I would love to meet him, too. This girl is very intelligent. She is attending university. Since she has been going with this man, she does not always come home on weekends. I used to look forward to seeing her. When I was that age, I used to sleep out sometimes and I used to skip school, too. One day my father said to me that I shouldn't try to fool him; he knows that I am sleeping with a man. I bowed my head and did not comment. My father said he was not asking if I was sleeping with a man, he was telling me that's what I was doing. He said what he was asking was that I not 'bring home a belly'. Then he asked "Do you understand?" I said "Yes, daddy." So I have never asked my daughter if she is sleeping at the man's house. I know that there is where she goes.

She told me that she is going to bring the man to meet me. I got the shock of my life. When he came, he was driving a new car and he was dressed in a brown suit. But the shock was, this was a much older man than my daughter. I am 60, and this man is 62. I was surprised, but I tried not to show it. He kept staring at me, and then he said "Mother, I want you to know that I love 'so and so', and although I am much older than her, I will take care of her. I have two daughters and they are on their own. My house is empty without a woman and I don't want any woman my age, and your daughter will benefit from what I have." He then said that he wanted me to give consent. My daughter was sitting right next to him. So I said she is of age and will make her own decision.

He said he is Jamaica-born, but he has citizenship in America, and he would like to marry her and take her there for a better life. He said it would benefit me, too. I told my daughter to give the gentleman a drink. I asked him to excuse me; I went into my room and cried. My daughter asked why I was crying. I asked her if she could not have found a younger man and she said no, all the young men wanted from her was just sex and they had nothing. Since she has met this man, he has given her everything that she asked for.

After a long while, I went back out to continue talking with the man, and I told him my daughter's father is dead, but I wish that he would take care of her. The following weekend my daughter drove home in a new car and showed me an engagement ring. The man is serious about my daughter. They are planning to get married in December. I am still crying; I don't know if my daughter is making a mistake, but she doesn't think so.

Tell me how you feel about this relationship.

L.C.

Dear L.C.,

I don't have to remind you that your daughter has a right to choose the type of man that she would love to have as her husband.

This man made it clear to you that he did not want a woman in his age group to be his wife. He presented himself to you as a very decent man. I am sure you were impressed by his appearance, although you were shocked at his age. What I would love to know from you is, why did you cry? Was it for joy? Or was it because you felt disappointed because of his age?

Your daughter said the young men she has met were only interested in going to bed with her. This man wants to make her his wife, and he is a man of means. He has demonstrated that by buying her a new vehicle; that is not cheap. Dry your tears, madam. Support your daughter all the way. She will not abandon you. Her husband will pass on love and respect to you.

Pastor