Church sister hates my new girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I have a girlfriend. She and I have been together for two years. We are in our church.

I grew up in that church, but she joined three years ago. From the moment we set eyes on each other, we fell in love. That caused a little disruption because there were other girls who loved me. I went out with a couple of them, but I did not engage in anything permanent with any of them.

When one of the girls realised that I started a relationship with this girl I want to marry, she went to the pastor and told him how I fooled her. He called me before her, and I told the pastor I did not promise to marry her, because I realised that she was not my type. She is not humble, and I want a humble woman to marry. I pointed out what I did not like about her. She admitted to the pastor that I spoke to her about these things. The pastor suggested that she should leave me alone. She stopped talking to the young lady that I am going to marry. Another reason why I could not consider marrying this girl is because she thinks that I am not in her class. I have never been to college, but she is a college graduate and that has gone to her head. When talking to me about members of the church, she described them as not having any sense.

This young woman that I am in love with is very humble and I would like to marry her next January. I have bought her an engagement ring. I told her I have a little surprise for her for her birthday, but she doesn't know what it is.

Pastor, you are a counsellor, so I am asking you to help me prepare for my engagement and to have a long relationship with this woman. She is preparing for college graduation. I run my own business. She doesn't pressure me for anything, which I appreciate.

L.W.

Dear L.W.,

The Bible says when a man finds a wife, he has found a good thing. A good woman does not seek to control a man, so I would say this young lady who loved you but is very controlling, is surely not a good woman for you. She looks down on others. She is not humble. So you were right not to go further with her.

I have been telling young people for years that it is good to go on dates, because that would help the couple to find out whether they are suited for each other. You found out that this woman does not suit you at all. She thought going to the pastor would have caused you to panic and to continue with her. But no intelligent pastor would encourage a young man to have a relationship with a proud woman. So now that you have seen this other woman and you believe that she would make you a good wife, plan and work with her for a happy future.

Communication is very important in a relationship, so always communicate with her. Speak the truth. Show her respect at all times. Money cannot buy her love, so you don't have to worry about that. Nevertheless, you should know if there are times that she needs help. Without her asking, give to her what she may need. Don't spend unnecessary money.

I hope the engagement ring will not break your pocket. It should not be a very expensive ring, but it should not be a very cheap ring, either. Please don't buy this young lady a 'popcorn ring'. I am sure engaging her on her birthday would mean a lot to her. You may want to invite a couple of friends to a little engagement party, but don't have anything that is extravagant.

As you plan your wedding, if both of you can manage on your own, do not live in your parents' home, or with any in-laws. The Bible says a man should leave his father and mother and join to his wife and the two of them shall be one flesh. His wife would have total control of him and he is totally responsible for her. Have one joint account to pay bills after you are married. You and your wife should use that account for bills, and perhaps use another account for savings and investment. Nevertheless, allow your wife to have another account, so that she would purchase her little personal things. She should be free to have such an account, and not to feel that she has totally given up her independence because of you.

There are many other things that I can say, but I would end by saying that the Bible says that a husband should render onto his wife what is due to her, and vice versa. The wife does not have power of her own body, neither does the husband over his.

They should not defraud one another. The Bible is talking about sex. You must try your best after you are married to sexually satisfy your wife, and she should do the same.

If I can be of further help to you, please write to me again.

Pastor