Husband does not believe in foreplay

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 23 years old and my husband is 25. He has two children, but I do not have any.

I had a boyfriend and we were living together. We broke up when I became a Christian. He did not want to attend church, and when I wanted to go to church, he wanted us to go out and have fun, so I could not take it.

One day when he left for work, I packed up and went back to my mother's house. She received me with open arms because she is a Christian. I have found this other man and he is a Christian. I have talked to him repeatedly to change some of his ways, but I am not getting through to him. We got married. He wants to just jump on me like a bulldog; no foreplay. I could be as dry as chips; he just pulls my underwear down and starts to have sex. Sometimes I say to him, "No man, play with me," and he says, "What is that for?"

I don't like to remember that the other guy I left believed in foreplay; he used to engage in petting for a long time. He would caress me until I was fully ready for intercourse. I was expecting that from my husband, but I am not getting any of that from him. Sometimes when he comes on me, he does all the work and he ejaculates and fall asleep, while I am left unsatisfied.

M.M.

Dear M.M.,

I could understand why you mentioned the man with whom you had a relationship. He was a good lover.

Perhaps that's all he had left with you; the memory of good lovemaking. You married a man who is older than you and you took it for granted that he would have been able to satisfy you. But making love is not his thing at all. He does not realise that foreplay is very important in lovemaking.

In one of my counselling sessions with an educated woman, she said that she does not like any man to play with her body, and these are her exact words: "If it is sex we are going to have, let's just have sex," and I repeat, she was an educated woman. There are many people who are like that; no foreplay.

The wise man Solomon said that a man should enjoy his woman's breasts. In fact, you should find the book Song of Solomon and read certain portions to your husband. Who knows? He may change his mind. These passages in Solomon may help him to understand that he should not jump on you as a dog, do his own thing, and jump off. So read Song of Solomon.

You must also tell your husband what you want him to do for you in bed; don't be afraid to let he know. If he is a wise man, he would listen to you. But if he is a fool, he will not.

Pastor