Boyfriend doesn’t believe in birth control

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 and I am attending university. My boyfriend is three years older than I am and I can say our relationship is going fairly well.

He is fairly jealous, but I can deal with that. Our relationship started while I was in high school. We were not living far from each other. He said he used to admire me because I was always neatly dressed and I did not keep company. One day he stopped to give me a ride. His sister was in the car and she and I started talking. We exchanged numbers and became very good friends. One day when this guy and I were on the phone, he told me that he loved me. I asked him how many other girls he told that; he said he told a couple of them, but he was not fooling me because I look like wife material.

When I told my mother about him, she said she knew his family and they are decent people. My mother told my father about him and my father did not question me. This guy and I became very close. He never pushed me for sex, but when we decided to have sex, he said that the church that he attends does not believe in birth control. I was surprised to hear that in these modern days, there were still people who do not believe in birth control. He said that the Bible is against birth control and he gave me a portion of scripture to read. So I wrote it down and when I had my quiet time, I read it. I did not see anything in it against birth control.

We are planning to be engaged and we are having sex more often. Every time we have sex, he refuses to use the condom. He relies on the withdrawal method and I am scared. I do not want him to get me pregnant, but I don't want to lose him, either. I spoke to my doctor and he told me that I should stop having sex with my boyfriend, because it is just a matter of time before he gets me pregnant.

I am planning to do my master's degree soon after I achieve my bachelor's. I don't know what to do. He says that I am encouraging him to put his 'seed' in a bag and he would love to have four children. I asked him what is the difference in putting his seed in a bag and throwing it away, and withdrawing from my vagina and it not going in me. I hope you can shed some light on this matter for us. He respects you and he reads the column, so we are looking forward to your comments.

D.S.

Dear D.S.,

The Bible does not say anything about birth control. To my knowledge, it does not discourage it at all.

I know for sure that the Bible says couples with many children are blessed. But as I study the Bible, it does appear that only very wealthy people have many children. Abraham had many children, but he was very rich and he was in a position to support all his children. Only a fool would have many children and not be in a position to support them. It takes lots of money to support children and to grow them up in a home where they are comfortable. Think about educating them.

The passage your boyfriend suggests you read has nothing to do with birth control. That passage is found in Genesis 38:8-10. 8 " And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and rise up seed to thy brother. 9 And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother. 10 And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also."

This reference had to do with the Hebrew custom, under which Onan should have fathered a child with Tamar, his deceased brother's wife. That child would not have legally been Onan's child. Onan disobeyed. He had sex with Tamar but he spilled his ejaculation on the ground. God killed him because Onan did not want to fulfil his spiritual and moral responsibilities to his brother.

Your boyfriend is wrong to believe that when you get married, you should agree for him to impregnate you multiple times. You would be very silly to consent to the nonsense he's talking. But before I go, let me say you should not continue to practise the withdrawal method, because you can still become pregnant. Fluid often seeps through from the penis before a man experiences his full ejaculation. The fluid contains sperm cells and you may become pregnant. I hope I have said enough.

Pastor