Don’t want my fiancé’s mom to miss our wedding

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column often. I am 22 years old and I am living with my boyfriend.

I am pregnant, but this pregnancy was not planned. The condom broke and we did not realise it until we were almost finished having sex. We were hoping that nothing would have happened. Friends told me that I should have taken the morning-after Pill, but that never crossed our mind.

I am in college and I am hoping to have the baby in the latter part of November or early December. I am hoping that it will not affect my exams. My boyfriend has been really good to me, and he keeps saying that he is sorry for putting me under such stress. At the same time, he is happy because I am expecting a boy, and he says that he always wanted his first child to be a boy. As for me, it doesn't matter whether the child is a boy or a girl. My father's first child was a girl and he loves her more than the boys who came after.

My mother always says that my father spoiled my sister. She is living in Canada and she sends money for my father every month. The boys always give my mother money. But even when my sister sends money for my mother, she sends more for my father. Last Christmas, she sent CDN$200 for my father and only $100 for my mother. We knew that my mother would be very upset, so we changed the money and divided the amount equally for the both of them.

Well, back to my story. My boyfriend and I would love to get married, but his mother is living in America and she is not legal there; he wants her to attend our wedding. So that is why we are holding back on our date. We do not want her to take the risk of coming to Jamaica and not be able to go back, because she has overstayed her time in America. She got married, but everything is not yet settled with immigration, so it is not wise for her to travel.

I told his mother that I am not pushing her son to marry me, so we will wait until she is in a position to travel. My boyfriend does not have a visa, neither do I; so we are not expecting to travel.

C.N.

Dear C.N.,

I wish you a very safe delivery. Although the pregnancy was not planned, your boyfriend and you seem to be very excited. I hope that this pregnancy will not hinder you from taking your examinations when the time comes.

Concerning your wedding, your fiance and you should plan the date intelligently. There is no need to be in a hurry to get married. Your fiance wants his mother to be present, but she cannot rush immigration. But if everything goes well, she will eventually be granted permanent status and be able to travel. I wish her well. I also wish your parents well. Stay very close as a family. Cooperate with each other; family is very important. Relatives need each other, although some don't seem to think that way.

Pastor