Mom doesn’t know my dad has an outside child

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and, from the time I was 13, I have been working. My parents had a shop and I learned the business. As I grew up, my mother did not want me to always be in the shop; she wanted me to go to college.

My father told me that he would not mind seeing me go to college, but I had to learn to do something to help myself. He said that having a paper from the college is not going to help me make money. Whenever he talks like that, my mother used to curse him. I knew from that time that my father was talking sense. I learned to serve people who wanted basic food items and my father trusted me with the money. By the time I was 15, my father took me around with him and I met some of the men and women who used to give my father credit.

My father is Chinese but my mother is black. My father used to tell me secrets and he always said "Don't tell your mother what I told you." Girls used to come to the shop to see my father and he disappeared with them. I later found out where he used to take these girls. Whenever they came to the shop and wanted goods and my father was not there, I didn't give it to them. One day, a lady came and she wanted certain items. I told her that my father was not there. She told me that she needed the things but I still did not give them to her. She grumbled and went away. When my father came and I told him, he said he was sorry I did not give her what she wanted. In a very soft tone, he told me that this woman has a one-year-old child and he is the father. So, whenever she comes and he is not there, I should let her have what she needs.

I was very shocked to know that my father had another child. From that day, I told my father I did not want to be at the shop anymore. I worked very hard and I got my passes and went to college. If you knew my father, you would think that he could not step on an ant. My father paid for me to go to college. I never told my mother about the other child. One day I asked my father when he planned to tell my mother. He said he does not intend to tell her because the lady did not register the child in his name. But he is going to give her some money because she wants to do a little business.

At present, I am in love with a guy. My father does not like him. He said that the guy is not ambitious as he does not have a profession. I do not understand how my father can criticise my boyfriend when the woman he has an outside child with is a higgler. I asked my father that question and he said he did not mean to get the lady pregnant, but she was always begging him for money, so he got carried away with her and other women.

Don't you think that I should tell my mother that my father has another child? Do you think he will hate me for telling her? I have bought clothes for the little girl and I have sent them to the lady. I would love to do more for my baby sister. I know my mother will not leave my father, but I don't want my father to be disappointed in me because I told my mother.

What is your suggestion?

K.B.

Dear K.B.,

You told your father that you would not let your mother know that he has fathered another child. You made a promise to him. If you are going to break that promise, then you should inform him.

The child was not registered in his name, but that does not mean he is not the father. Perhaps your father told her not to register the child in his name so as to protect his marriage. Perhaps the time has come for the truth to be revealed. You have said that your mother would not leave your dad. So, think about it and tell your father how you feel about it.

Pastor