I regret getting my tubes tied

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and I have three children. After having my third child, I did the tubal ligation operation to stop me from having any more.

I was married when I did the operation, but my husband was involved in a serious accident and he died, leaving me to struggle with these children. My parents have been of great help. I had to move back home because my husband and I did not have a home of our own. Life has been hard.

Two years ago, I met a man who is in my age group and we fell in love. I know some people say that there is nothing called love at first sight, but when I first saw this man, I felt for him in my heart. He told me that when he saw me for the first time, he fell for me, too. This man has been a great help to me. He does not ask me what I need, he gives me money every month and he helps me to provide for my children. If we were not living at my parents' house, I don't know how we would manage.

This man has one son and he lives with his mother. He told me that getting this woman pregnant was a mistake. She had a boyfriend when he met her, but they had a one-night stand and she got pregnant. But gave her boyfriend the child, so the child does not carry his name. She got married to her boyfriend and he believes that he is the child's father. She admitted that my man is the child's real father. But her guy has never questioned whether it is his child; he does not know that she cheated and got pregnant.

I say all of that to get to my point. This man wants to marry me. I told him I would marry him but I cannot give him a child because I did the operation to stop myself from having more children. He said he would pay any money for me to be able to get pregnant by him. Sometimes I feel so sorry for this man, knowing that he wants a child with me. I did not think that I was making a mistake when I had the operation. I thought it was the best thing for me to do then, but now I am in trouble and I don't know what to do. I know for sure that I don't want to lose this man; he is too good to lose.

What can I do?

Initials Withheld

Dear Writer,

At the time you did the tubal ligation operation, you felt that it was the best thing to do; at least it appears that way.

Don't condemn yourself at all. It is unfortunate that you lost your husband in a collision. Thank God for good parents who have been doing their best to assist you with the children. Now, here comes this good man who has fallen in love with you and you have fallen in love with him. But it is not only that he loves you, he also loves your children.

When he met you, he did not know that you cannot get pregnant again, but now he knows and he could have walked away from you, but he has not done so. I am glad you have told him the truth. I suggest that you seek advice from the doctor who performed the operation on you, if you can find him. He would be able to give you the appropriate advice.

I understand that although this operation was considered to be permanent years ago, doctors have reversed this surgery; but it is costly. This is the furthest I will go with this matter as I wish not to give the wrong information. Don't give up; seek the best advice from medical doctors.

Pastor