Boyfriend asked me to try anal sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I have a boyfriend. He used to live alone and I was living with my parents.

Six months after we became friends, we agreed that if we live together we would save, because I was about to leave my parents' home and live on my own. My parents' home became crowded because I have a sister who has two children and they live there. She used to live with her boyfriend, but they had a falling out and she left him and returned home. She had to be sleeping with her two children in one room, and my brother and I shared a room. I always had to be covering up or wearing pajamas so that my brother wouldn't see my nakedness. So I decided to leave home.

I talked to my boyfriend and he told me we should live together, so I moved in with him. He treats me very well, but he's like a sex maniac; he would have sex morning, noon and night. But he gives me whatever I ask for. There are times when he allows me to drive his car to work and he rides the bus. But he has some habits I don't like. He is always watching dirty sex shows. He says these shows relieve his stress. He goes to different sites. I never saw those sites before, but I know that some of these movies turn him on. What he sees on the sites, he practises with me.

I made it clear to him that I will not have anal sex. From the first evening he suggested that we should do so, I told him no. I asked him if he had ever done so with any girl and he said no, but he would like to try it. I told him that I will leave him if he tries to force his way on me to do it. He backed off, so we have never gone that way. I told him that I will leave him. I have done every other thing with him. He is very clean. He is the first man whose toes I have sucked.

My concern is that after we get married, he might force me to do anal sex, and it is something I will not do, so that would cause us to break up. He said some of his friends do have anal sex with their women. I consider that wrong, and I would like your opinion.

Unnamed,

Dear Writer,

Let me begin by making this point; it is a proven fact that sex can reduce stress. So your boyfriend has a point.

I am not here sanctioning porn, but you say that your boyfriend loves to look at adult sex movies. He watches them all the time. Some persons may consider these movies kinky because the couples do things outside the norm. You did not question this man about what he enjoys before you went to live at his house. But it did not take you long to realise that he is always on the sites that show people engaging in different types of sex.

You have got accustomed to this man enjoying these porn movies. Your big problem is that he has asked you to have anal sex with him and you have refused to do so. So far, he has not tried to force you. He said that he has never engaged in it, but he wants to experience it. Stand firm, and if he respects you, he will not force you. You enjoy sucking his toes (you not easy). Such behaviour is called foot fetish.

I hope that you and this man would seek counselling; and if you believe that you have a future together, you should get married.

Pastor