Dad left the family for a young woman

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I always read your column.

I can say that I grew up reading it, and now I am married and I still can't do without reading it. I don't read The Gleaner often, but I have to read THE STAR just to see what is in Tell Me Pastor. I have a young baby, so I am at home these days, but my husband buys THE STAR because he knows I love to read your section. I have to go back to work in September. I am a teacher, so I do use some of the things in your column to help me to instruct my students.

It was not easy for me growing up, because my father left my mother after having three children with her. My mother had to struggle. When he left my mother, it was for a much younger woman. But my mother, and all of us as children, had to help him when he was ill and couldn't do much for himself. His girlfriend used up all his money. We don't even know where she is; we suspect that she is in America. The only thing she could not do was take the house because my mother's name is on the title as joint owner.

I love my husband, but you have helped me to understand that as a woman, I should have something for myself. That is one of the reasons why I love you so much. A woman should look out for herself, but she should take care of her husband and her children, too. I heard you giving that advice many times. I married a man who is a good husband and father. I don't know if he has ever cheated on me, but I know that he is smart enough not to let me know. I don't see any signs of him doing so. Both of us pay the mortgage and all the bills. I am now trying to buy a car for myself because my husband has to have his car to do his work. I don't have much money for car payments, but at the same time, I don't want a car that will break down with me on the road. But, I am trying to get one for September. I would like to take my baby to a daycare and pick her up in the evenings. I do not want to have a helper to take care of her; that would be too expensive.

I have a friend who has a helper and she says that the helper eats so much of what she has. The helper cooks for herself at my friend's house. My friend is saying that she is sure that she doesn't cook when she gets home because she has had enough to eat and drink before she goes back to her house. Now that the minimum wage has been raised, I don't think we can afford a helper. My husband and I have bought a piece of land and we intend to build a house and to have a self-contained unit, so that we can rent to a young couple or even a single man or woman. That would help us along.

I really wrote to you to thank you for being a good counsellor. You have been like a father to us. Keep up the good work. I will write to you again.

N.F.

Dear N.F.,

I thank you for your encouragement. I am glad to know that you have received help through my column and that you have been able to use the information that you have gleaned from it.

You are a very wise young lady and although your father left your mother and the family and moved on with a young lady, when he became ill the family assisted. I hope that he has made everything right with his God, and that he has asked your mother and each of you to forgive him for the mistake that he made. The young woman with whom he lived, emptied his bank account. He was a very careless man. He should have known that this young woman was only with him for what she could get.

I wish your husband and you well. Be careful how you go into debt. The only debt that I encourage people to enter into is essential debt. Purchasing a home is essential debt. Buying a vehicle sometimes can be essential debt, if that vehicle is needed to get you to and from work and to help you transport your children. You know you should not buy a vehicle that will break down every week. Get good advice before you purchase a vehicle.

Now take good care of yourself, and may God bless you.

Pastor