Family thinks my girlfriend’s child is mine

Dear Pastor,

I have been going with a young lady for two years. I took her to live with me when she was pregnant.

When I started to talk to her, she did not know that she was pregnant, but she told me that she and her boyfriend broke up three weeks prior. She said she did not have anywhere to go, so I told her that I had just rented a place. This young lady is two years older than me, but that didn't bother me. As we started to live together, she missed her period and the doctor told her that she was pregnant. She asked me if I was going to stay with her and I told her yes, because she did not lie. She told the man who got her pregnant that she was expecting his baby. He cursed her and told her she should go and find the father. She knew that he was the father. I did not say anything to my brothers and sisters, so they thought that the child was mine. My grandmother came to the house, looked at the baby and told me quietly that the child is not mine. I told my grandmother everything. She said she was glad that I was helping out the girl, and she would not say anything to the family. We registered the child in my name.

Recently, my girlfriend and I had a little fuss, nothing big, and I told her I was sorry that the child was registered in my name and she started to cry. I have paid every bill for her to have that child. I bought a crib and everything. She cried because she said I regret having my name on the child's birth certificate and the biological father doesn't want anything to do with her. I am very sorry for what I said to this girl. I met her parents; they are nice people. She has never told them that I am not the biological father.

Here is the strange part of this problem; I am turning over my life to God. I am planning to be baptised. I feel called to be an evangelist. Do you think that I should tell my minister that I am not the true father of the child? It is just over two years since this young woman and I are living together and we have not been using any form of protection. Don't you think that I should have been able to get her pregnant? I am wondering whether I could impregnate her. That is one of the things that is on my mind every day. I would like to know that I have fathered one or two children, apart from this one I have adopted.

What advice would you give to me?

E.J.

Dear E.J.,

I commend you for helping this young lady. She should always be grateful to you. You have proven that you love her.

Her former boyfriend left her in the cold, so to speak, and you rescued her; you are a good man. Your grandmother visited you and when she saw the baby, she told you that the child was not yours. Sometimes I wonder how these older folks can look at a child and tell a man that the child is his or not. They must have a special gift to be able to do so. You told her the truth and she promised that she would not say anything to any relative, and she has kept her promise.

If you did not love this woman, you would not have agreed that the child be registered in your name. I don't know what she said to you why you told her that you regretted doing that. It was unfortunate that you told her that. As I see it, that child is yours. She does not know another father. You should be very proud to have her in your life. You are concerned because you have been living with the child's mother and you have not been able to, so far, impregnate her. But that does not mean that it cannot happen. Think of couples who have been married and, after many years, they have succeeded in getting pregnant. I can tell you stories after stories about that. Perhaps to remove anxiety you should see a urologist, who would tell you whether something is wrong with you. Although this woman has had a child, she, too, can check her doctor and they would let her know if everything is right with her. She should not just take it for granted that everything is OK.

But I would say to you, my friend, leave this thing in the Lord's hand. Love your woman and love your daughter supremely. You don't have to tell your pastor anything. This is a very private matter; your pastor doesn't have to know that. Whether you can get this woman pregnant or not, marry her. When you met her, she told you the truth. Marry her; bye-bye.

Pastor