Fiancé doesn’t trust me because of his ex

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your page in THE STAR. It has helped to keep me updated on what is happening in Jamaica.

I was born in Jamaica, but I grew up in America. My parents brought me to America when I was a child, but I always return to Jamaica to spend the summer with my aunt. I still think of myself as a Jamaican, although I have become a citizen of America.

Presently, I am engaged to a man from Jamaica. He is not yet a citizen. He said that he is going to return to Jamaica to live and work. I don't intend to work in Jamaica. I intend to buy a home in America. Property in Jamaica is beyond my reach. It is easier for me to buy a house in America. But my fiance and I are still trying to figure out what we should do. We would like to get married around Easter in 2025.

My fiance and I have a trust issue. His former girlfriend cheated on him, so he has asked me repeatedly whether I would do the same. I am not that type of girl. I am very comfortable with him. His former girlfriend was born in America. He told me his mother has warned him not to get entangled with American girls, but he didn't listen. While he was at work, she was having an affair with another man.

Apart from the issue of not trusting me fully, we get along. I make sure that he knows wherever I am. He knows all my friends. I am very close to my father; we have a good relationship. I told my father that the guy has a problem in trusting me because of what his former girlfriend did to him. My father told me that the reason why he is behaving like that is because he has not yet grown up and if he does not trust me, I should allow him to go his way. I have had many opportunities to cheat. Because of the type of work I do, I have to deal with men. Some of them have tried to date me, but I have always turned them down.

I do not ask my fiance for anything because I have a good job and I can maintain myself. I don't know if you agree with what my father said. I really love this man and I would like to know that he trusts me.

Please give me your advice as early as possible.

Y.R.

Dear Y.R.,

When a woman has cheated on a man, it is not something that he can easily shake off, especially if he has proof that she is guilty.

On the other hand, men would love to know that women would forgive them when they are guilty of cheating. Evidently, your fiance was not ready for another relationship, because he is constantly raising the matter with you. Perhaps the next time he says it to you, you should tell him that you have made up your mind to do without him, so he can go his way because you are tired of hearing his argument. He has doubts about you, therefore he can move on.

If he really loves you and wants the relationship, he would promise not to raise the matter again. Or he may say that you are telling him to go because you have seen someone that you love. You are wasting your time begging this man to stay, or to convince him that you love him.

Pastor