Ashamed of my mother’s wild lifestyle

Dear Pastor,

My mother has two of us girls and she believes that is important that we douche. I am 26.

My sister is older and both of us are sexually active. My mother always talks to us about not getting pregnant unless we are married. My mother was married to my father but he left us as children and went his way. My mother got involved with other men but they did not get her pregnant. She credited that to her taking care of herself by douching. When I started to have sex I did not take the chance to do so without protecting myself. I also asked a nurse how often I should douche and she said that she would not even encourage me to do so because not all doctors encourage females to douche. My mother used to sleep with different men and in the middle of the night, she used to get up and go to the bathroom to douche. She admitted to us that she was always trying to protect herself. We learned a lot from our mother but my sister and I are still unmarried and we are not as promiscuous as our mother.

Both my sister and I are in the church. I am hoping to get married very soon. I have been to university and I have my bachelor's degree. My sister also has her bachelor's degree. My boyfriend does not like to study but he is a good man. He encourages me a lot. My sister and I have told our mother that she should stop fooling around with men and she told us that when our father left us, if she did not take men we wouldn't be anywhere today. We would give her more than anything she wants. We are paying the mortgage on the home that she now lives in. These men don't help my mother to pay the mortgage.

I am ashamed to say that our mother just likes men. Is there any hope for her ?

D.M.

Dear D.M.,

This matter of douching should not be addressed to me. It should be addressed to a medical doctor.

However, I do not want to give the impression that I am totally ignorant of the subject. As a therapist, this is something that I had to study and I understand it is not something that is often recommended by doctors to women because the vagina has normal flora that resides in the vagina. So when one practises douching it removes these normal flora and you could end up with complications that could harm your vagina. A woman should always discuss these matters with her gynaecologist.

I am sure that your mother believes that what she was telling you girls was to protect you and she meant well. I want to beg of you not to condemn your mother because she has tried to find ways of supporting your sister and you. I hope that she would take heed and listen to you and your sister and not continue to allow men to use her sexually.

I am glad that you are getting married. Make sure that you attend premarital counselling. I am also very glad to know that you young women believe in education and that you have graduated from university.

Pastor