Don’t think my bishop wants me to have a girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am interested in going into the ministry. I spoke to my bishop about my wish and to my surprise, he questioned me a lot.

He wanted to know if I have ever had a woman in my life. I told him that I have somebody who I am interested in, but we have not gone beyond loving each other, and she is prepared to give me 100 per cent support. She is two years older than I am. He told me that I should bring this young lady whenever I am coming back to see him. When I told her what the bishop said, she told me she was not interested in meeting him because I am the one who feels called to the ministry. When I went to see him, the bishop told me that my success or failure in the ministry would depend largely on the woman I marry. My girlfriend is not interested in seeing the bishop.

I am supposed to start my training in September. I do not want to disobey my bishop, but I wanted his blessing before I started my training. The bishop gave me the impression that I shouldn't have a girlfriend until I have finished Bible school, because the sexual temptation I may have with my girlfriend may cause me to sin. He did not show me anything from the Bible that caused him to say that I might sin while I am a student.

Do you agree with the bishop? I would like to hear from you.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

Perhaps if you had not told the bishop that you have a girlfriend, crazy thoughts might not have entered his mind.

However, if you feel called to the sacred ministry, you need to begin your training and ignore your bishop. I know that some folks may not agree with me, but some of these bishops go too far. It is true that when a man is in the ministry and he is married, if the heart of his wife is with him, he can have a very successful ministry. But a man does not have to be married to enjoy a very fruitful ministry.

On the other hand, if a man marries the wrong woman, she may destroy his ministry. So marriage is not something one should rush into. Right now you should not be bothered about getting married or anything like that. College work can be very taxing. Be prepared to work hard. Get a good grasp of Greek. That language will help you to understand the New Testament and the meaning of words that are there. Of course, if you can study Hebrew, that would also help. But you don't have to.

I hesitate to make a certain point, but I will do so now. There are some bishops, overseers and pastors who believe that when a young man has a girlfriend, they are going to engage in sex. They don't even want to see them sit together in church, and they would want to force them into marriage. Don't allow anyone to force you. Take your time to study and get good grades. I am assuming that you are going to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts degree. If that is the plan, make sure that a couple of years after you graduate, you work on a Master of Arts or a Master of Divinity degree.

I have one more suggestion to make to you. As a young minister, you should contemplate having a degree that can help you to earn a living. So consider working on a secular degree also. Do some studies at one of the universities or a teachers' college. Take it from me; you will need training from one of these institutions.

Pastor