Don’t know why mother-in-law hates me

Dear Pastor,

I am one of the listeners on the Dear Pastor Show, but our relationship goes far back.

I have been a fan of yours since I was going to school. None of your publications in THE STAR missed me. I read every column and passed them on to my neighbours because they were not always able to buy THE STAR. I learnt a lot from your column.

When I was 22, I gave birth to my first child and I was living with my boyfriend. He wanted to have sex with me. I told him we should wait because it was just a few weeks after I had given birth. I fell asleep and I had my back turned to him. He took Vaseline and put it on his penis and entered me. Soon after, I was reading one of your columns and you mentioned that one should not put any foreign matter into the vagina because that can cause infection. I showed it to my boyfriend and he was very surprised. He even begged me pardon for what he did.

We now have three daughters. He said that he wants a boy to carry his name. I have decided to allow him to get me pregnant one more time - and no more. Do you know of any way or anything I can do to have a son? There are many other things that I can point out to you that I have read in your column that have helped me.

My boyfriend has a good job and he also has two cars on the road as taxis. The only problem I am having is that his mother does not like me, but he told me I must always ignore her. My boyfriend takes the children to her house all the time and she treats them well and gives them gifts. I do not go to her house. I avoid her; I know how she feels about me so I stay away. My father-in-law is always chatting with me on the phone; he is such a nice man.

I don't know how he ended up with such a woman. She is nosy and miserable, and she wants to know all my business.

V.M.

Dear V.M.,

I want you to try your best to live in peace with your mother-in-law. She might not love you because she might think that her son could have got a prettier woman than you; there are many reasons.

She might also feel that you have taken away some of the money that she should have got. Some mothers are like that. You have to be careful not to say anything negative about her, because men do not like their women to say anything negative about their mothers. So please do not criticise this woman in front of your husband or the children. He knows the type of mother he has, and whether she is nosy or is always criticising you, that is her problem. Christmas will soon be here, so make sure that whenever you are buying gifts for the children, you buy something for her.

Concerning the desire of your husband to father a son, I wish him well. I can say I wish you well, too, because you are the one who would bear the burden.

Pastor