I’m struggling to find joy

Dear Pastor,

When I was a little girl, I used to fantasise a lot. I used to believe that I would be happy when I got married. I used to dream of my wedding day that I had on a long dress with a veil. I used to dream that my husband was in a black suit and my father would walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and give me away to be married.

I never thought about anything that would go wrong on our wedding day. I used to also look forward to getting pregnant and having babies. I wanted to give birth to twins because my mother is a twin, and she and her twin sister live lovingly. Even now my mother whispers in her twin sister's ear, and they laugh at their jokes, but they never talk so that we could hear. I admired that, so I wanted to have twins

Well, I got married to a man who is a farmer, but I did not get married in a long white dress. However, I enjoyed my wedding day. My husband has been struggling financially, but he tries his best. I have a job, but it is not the type of job that I love. I have two children. They are not twins, but it cost so much to support them. I don't want any more children.

I have medical problems. and I have to always go to the doctor regularly. My husband goes away on the farmwork programme and he has tried to provide everything to make me happy for which I am grateful. We have a nice three-bedroom house. We have lovely furniture. We are better off than many of our neighbours. Our two children do not have to miss school, but I am not as happy as I thought I would be.

My husband tells me all the time that I should be thankful for what we have, and I should make myself happy. Once I went to the doctor to get a checkup and he examined me and told me that lots of my problem are in my mind. The doctor said that I am physically fine. I told him that my husband told me the same thing. He said I should go home and make myself happy.

I don't go anywhere. I stay at home with my children. My husband knows that he can count on me to be home. He doesn't stop me from going anywhere, but I don't want to go anywhere.

What do you think is my problem? My children do not give me trouble. They are good children. They are doing well in school and they are happy.

A.

Dear A.,

Could it be that you believe that you have married the wrong man? And that you would have been happy if your husband was in a job where he would wear jacket and tie every day. He is a hard-working farmer, but perhaps you didn't want a farmer in your life. But he is the one who came into your life and you married him. I don't know, I am just wondering.

Could it be that you don't like the area you live in? You would have preferred to live in an area that is quieter and your neighbours were very friendly or were friendlier? Is it that you wished your children were in the type of school that made you feel proud of them, and they didn't have to ride the bus to go to and from school? I don't know, I am trying to think why you are not happy.

You say that you have a physical problem, but you did not say what it is. Your doctor, however, thinks that nothing is wrong with you, so whatever the problem is, it should not impede your happiness.

Now let me add quickly that lack of money can cause folks to be unhappy. Is that a part of your problem? Are you earning enough money? Is it a struggle for you to pay your bills? Do you fret over the bills? You say that you live in a very comfortable home, but are you happy with your neighbours? Do you like your neighbours? How much do you associate with them? Are you able to save? Are you putting away any money to educate your children?

The future of your children is important. Are you putting away any money to send them to college?

Madam, work is great therapy. People who are employed are happier than those who are not employed. Before I go, I would like you to know that happiness is a choice. You can make yourself happy. No one can do that for you.

I visited the home of a senior citizen some years ago, and after I was there, she put her hand on her face, and she said, 'I wonder why I wouldn't die'. I was surprised. She told me she was very unhappy and she wanted to die. You see, looking at her, I thought everything was all right, but happiness comes from within. She did not know real peace. She needed God in her life, and Christ brings peace, joy and happiness. So I want you to examine yourself and to consider all the things that I have said to you, but most importantly, ask yourself whether you have experienced inner peace, which only God can give. When you have inner peace, you will be happy because that does not come from the abundance of things that you may have. Some people may have acquired lots of things, but they are not happy.

Pastor