My boyfriend refuses to take me on dates

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am dating a man. I like him, and he says that he likes me. However, I am having an issue with him because he does not like to go out.

It has been six months since we have been together and we have only gone out to have dinner three times. I am living on my own and whenever I suggest that we can go out and eat, he says to me that he enjoys my cooking, so I should cook. I told him it is not all the time I wish to cook.

I work in a bank and my colleagues are always telling me where their boyfriends take them. Recently, I offered to pay for the dinner, but he said that he prefers not to go. I asked him if he was shamed to be seen with me, he told me no.

Another problem I am faced with is that this guy doesn't like to see me dress in pants. He is a Christian, and in his church they do not believe that women should wear pants. I love pants, but since I have met him, I have tried to please him and if we are going anywhere, I do not wear pants.

He took me to meet some of his relatives one Saturday and before we left Kingston, he cautioned me not to wear pants because his mother would not be pleased with him taking me to their house dressed in pants. I told him that in that case, I prefer not to go, but he begged me to go with him because they were expecting us and they made preparation for us, so I changed into a dress. He then asked why I was exposing so much of my stomach. He felt that too much of my cleavage was exposed.

I don't know what to do with this man, and I don't think we are going to make it. He gives me the impression that he wants me to wear blouses that I would wear to go to work. He does not appreciate that a woman likes to look attractive and sexy. He is so very stiff.

What is your opinion of a woman wearing pants? Is there anything wrong with a woman wearing pants? Would you encourage your daughter to have a man who does not take her out to dinners and is always at home? Please give me your frank answer.

This man is in a good job, and I am also in a good job. I want a good partner; I am not sure that he would make me a good partner. He is putting me in a stiff jacket. Sometimes my mind strays from him and I think of other guys who love me and would like to have me, but many of them are not interested in church.

This guy and I attend church. Since we met, he has been coming to my church, and I like that. I hardly attend his church with him because I find them to be very negative, and their rules are too strict for me. Give me your advice.

M.F.

Dear M.F.,

Perhaps this young man feels that by going out too often, both of you are wasting money. If that is what he believes, he is not thinking right. If a man takes his woman out for dinner two or three times for the month, that is not wasting money. But if he buys fast food on the road almost every day and takes it home, he is a fool.

By the way, if this man buys groceries and both of you cook together, that can be very enjoyable; that can cut cost, and you would learn from him and he would learn from you. However, anything that is routine can be boring, so it must be very boring to have this man not take you out.

I say he is making a mistake.

Concerning woman wearing pants, nothing is wrong if a woman wears pants. But if your man doesn't want you to do so, you should make your decision, and make it early, whether you are going to continue in this relationship. No man should demand that a woman should not wear pants. That is foolishness. Some women expose too much cleavage, but you would not have spoken about it if this man wasn't overbearing.

Pastor