Didn’t plan on getting pregnant

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am 20 years old and I am living with my boyfriend.

I am pregnant, that is why I am here living with him. This was not a planned pregnancy; the condom broke and we were not aware of it until we finished having sex. My boyfriend told me I shouldn't worry about it because he did not believe anything was going to happen, because we have had sex before without using protection and everything was alright. But everything wasn't alright, because I got pregnant.

I didn't even have to argue with my parents when they told me I should ask my boyfriend to find somewhere and put me, because our house is very small. My sister and I share a room and my parents are in the other room. We have a small kitchen and a bathroom. My father is a builder, but he doesn't have the money to do any addition to the house. It was his father who gave him the spot to build the house he lives in.

When I got pregnant, my father did not fuss. He said whenever a girl has a man, anything can happen. He said that he and my mother suspected that we were having sex because of the hours my boyfriend used to bring me home. I love my parents so much, especially my father. He told my boyfriend that he did not want to see me living with him for any long period, so if he is planning to marry me, he should do so very soon.

We found a place to live; it is the small side of a house. It is expensive, so most of my boyfriend's money goes to paying the rent. I am teaching at a basic school and I am not earning much, but together we are paying the rent. We are trying to live within our means. It is very hard on us. But we are looking forward to our baby.

My mother does a little higglering and we give her money to buy goods for us. My boyfriend helps me a lot with the cooking and doing the house chores. Sometimes my sister comes and assists me. In the next few months, I am going to have my baby; and then, by December, my boyfriend and I are going to get married. My boyfriend's mother thinks that we are rushing to get married, but we know what we are doing. My boyfriend is 24 years old. We are trying to right the wrong. We cannot blame anybody because we made a mistake.

T.W.

Dear T.W.,

I am glad that your father didn't throw you out or curse you after he realised that you were pregnant.

He told you anything could happen when a girl has a boyfriend. He did not give you licence, but common sense told him that you were sexually active. I hope that those who read what you have written will remind themselves that to have unprotected sex is to expose oneself to pregnancy. I wish you well as you welcome your child. Take good care of your man and your baby.

Plan a very simple wedding. Don't plan anything elaborate; in fact, you cannot afford an elaborate wedding. Again, I say, I wish you well. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor