Can barely find time for my husband

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 years old and my husband and I are employed. I am in a very demanding job. I work with a large company and there are many persons who I supervise.

My husband is a banker and he works with one of the banks that demands a lot from him. My husband has four children and we have two together; sometimes we find ourselves exhausted. It is difficult for us to find time to spend together. We try our best to make time, but for me, even when I am home, my phone rings and I have to respond to the company's business.

Physical exhaustion is a real problem for me in our relationship. My husband mentioned the problem that we are having, but he is always saying that this type of life we are living will not go on forever. Sometimes I feel scared, because I wonder if my husband thinks that I am wilfully ignoring him. I asked him a number of times and he repeats the same thing - it will not be forever. But I know that while a man will say that to make his wife feel comfortable, he might develop a relationship with a side chick. If that happens to us I will go crazy, because this man is really special to me.

We share everything together. What suggestions can you give to help our relationship remain strong?

A.T.

Dear A.T.,

No couple should neglect each other. Sometimes it is not done wilfully, but at times the demands of work can get in the way.

A couple should make time for each other, regardless of how demanding their workload is. If a couple is not making time for each other, their relationship will crash, so to speak. For example, if you get home late in the evening, you should turn off your phone and announce at your workplace, to all the employees, that unless it is an emergency, no one should call you at home; absolutely no one. That would allow you to spend time with your children and husband. Let me make it clear to you, the money you may earn by working hard with your company can never compensate for the time you have lost with your children. Now, don't fool yourself; family comes first. Already you are nervous about whether your husband might be tempted to find another woman, and, by the way, you should be worried. He is telling you not to worry because both of you cannot go on like this.

I have another suggestion to make. Go to bed at a reasonable time at night, but wake your husband and make love to him before you leave for work in the morning. Some couples find that early-morning sex gives them a boost for the entire day.

Insist that your husband also turns off his cell phone when he gets home. Both of you should plan together to have weekend breaks in a guest house or somewhere like that, and let the children stay with their grandparents.

Pastor