Don’t want to leave my boyfriend in Jamaica

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I will be leaving Jamaica very soon. My boyfriend lives here, but he has been to America many times.

He is 25. He does not want to live in America. He comes from a small family; he has two sisters. His parents are well-off. He told me he never had to travel on public transportation to go to high school; his mother took him, or they would send him with their driver. They picked him up from school. He does not know hard times like I do. I am from rural Jamaica and I grew up seeing my mother cooking on a wood stove outside. She used to buy coal also and used a coal pot. I remember bathing outside naked, behind the latrine. When I wanted to go to the bathroom, I had to make sure that I did everything before I went to bed. It was not unusual for me to wake my bigger brother and ask him to follow me to the latrine. The old latrine we used is now destroyed. My mother always used to say that life would not be the same for us; we should just study and make something of ourselves.

I have done well in school and now I am in college. My parents have built a three-bedroom house and my brothers have worked hard with my parents to improve our standard of living. When I meet my expected husband, I was proud to take him to the country and introduce him to my parents and siblings. My mother prepared a lovely dinner; you should see me setting the table. I felt so proud of my parents as they sat at the table with us and ate with knife and fork. Yes, I was taught how to use them, but when I was a child I used a spoon to eat everything.

My boyfriend took me to see my parents in his lovely car, but I am not looking forward to leaving this man in Jamaica. However, I applied for a job at a certain institution and I have accepted the post, because it would also give me the opportunity to further my studies. My fiance says I should go, and I need not fret over him - we can work life out together. He is my second boyfriend. My first boyfriend couldn't walk in this man's shoes. This man has manners. He knows how to treat a woman, and I respect him because he respects my parents. He is not proud, although he is from a middle-class family. Please help me to make a decision on what to do.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

I am glad that you have done well in school. It is not where you were born that is important in life, it is what you have made of yourself.

You are responsible for how you live. Your parents have worked hard and have supported their children, and you have done marvellously well. You understand what it is to be poor, but you are not living in poverty. It was indeed a delight for your parents to meet your future husband. I am glad they like him.

The decision that you now have to make about your future might not be easy. But I would not suggest that you should stay in Jamaica because your fiance is not planning to live in America. You have a great opportunity to earn a good salary and to go back to school. Your fiance knows that it would be wrong for him to tell you not to take up the offer that you have been given to work and study in America. Perhaps by the time both of you are ready, he would change his mind and agree to live in America, even temporarily.

So, I wish you well. Take good care of yourself.

Pastor