My girlfriend didn't tell me about her abortion

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I have a girlfriend. When I met her, I did not know she was pregnant. She aborted the child.

Co-workers told me he overheard the women in my department talking. He told me they said I was a nice guy but they don't know what I picked up.

The women said my girlfriend had aborted two pregnancies that they knew of. Everybody is afraid to tell me.

When I asked my girlfriend about it, she denied having two abortions. She admitted she got pregnant once. She said she didn't like the father so her relatives encouraged her to abort it. I asked why she hadn't told me. She said it is not something a girl openly talks about.

I love this girl so much. I don't know if I should forgive her. Things have gone sour between us. This is going to be my worst Christmas in a long time. I thank my friend for telling me what he heard. However, I wish I did not know. Please advise me.

I.M.

Dear I.M.,

How can your female co-worker know, for sure, that your girlfriend had two abortions? Were the pregnancies showing before she had the abortions? Did they suspect she was pregnant? Was she becoming ill on the job? Did she confide in any of them?

She said she had one abortion. She didn't tell you about it because she was either embarrassed or thought it was none of your business. You can choose to believe her or move on.

To be frank, sir, my position is simply this. What is in the past, stays in the past. You might say this woman had tricked you, but did she really trick you?

I think not. You might also say she should have told you about her past. I think she was under no obligation to tell you everything about her past. How would that have helped the relationship?

Ok, sir, now you heard about the abortion. She told you she had one, and you are upset. Are you upset because she did not tell you, or because she had the abortion, others knew, but you didn't?

I want you to understand I am not condemning you but, if the abortion was done since both of you had become friends, it would be totally different. This happened before you were together.

I feel, too, that you are upset because her friends said it was two, and she said it was one. Who are you going to believe? I urge you to believe your girlfriend. Even if she had two abortions, you ought to figure out whether you love her. It might be advisable for both of you to see a family counsellor before moving forward.

Pastor