My husband doesn't want to live with me

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I have been married for eight months. My husband lies to me all the time. I was divorced and so was he. He has his own house and I have mine.

He promised he would rent or sell his house and come and live with me, but since we got married, he changed his mind.

I said, "OK, I will come and live at your house and leave this house to my children because I have two of them in college." He does not want to give me a key to his house. He said whenever I am coming I should let him know.

He has a bank account and he has his son's name on it. I said, "OK, put my name on it also," and he tells people that I want to rob his money. I don't want to rob his money, but if anything should happen to him, I should have access to his money. I don't see why I should spend my money on him and he is not spending any money on me.

Before we got married he agreed to come to church with me. He went with me a few times and then found faults with the pastor.

He accused the pastor of trying to be a 'young boy' because the pastor dyes his hair. My son told me I should not worry about this man. He is my third husband. I divorced two men already, so I didn't want to get a divorce again. Please advise me.

O.H.

Dear O.H.,

Leave the man with his account. He is behaving like a fool. Perhaps he really believes that you are after his money. How much money do you think he has? He promised to come and live with you BUT changed his mind. He prefers to stay in his house and have a visiting relationship. He is not serious about family life.

Stay close to your children. Make sure you don't spend your money on this man. Perhaps he is not getting what he was searching for. You have all right to talk to him about his finances, but he may see you as a gold digger.

It seems to me that you are not fortunate with men. This is your third husband and if you were to get a divorced, you probably would want to get married again.

On the other hand, what your husband needs is the assurance that you are not after his money. Speak to him frankly about the future of your marriage.

If you have to give this man notice before coming to his house, it could mean two things. Perhaps he keeps his apartment filthy and he wants time to keep up, or he might have a regular female visitor.

You are not obligated to tell him when you are coming to his house. A woman has a right to go to her husband's place at any time.

He is not just your lover. He is your husband. If you don't have a key to the house and have to tell him when you are coming, this is not a good relationship. It might be his way of telling you its time to go separate ways.

Pastor