My husband is a terrible cheater

Dear Pastor,

I don't know what to do. My husband cheated on me and got two different women pregnant. He had a daughter before we were married, but now he has three sons, and I can't seem to get pregnant.

He's the kindest and most loving husband, but we live in different parishes due to work. I don't visit him at his Kingston apartment, but he visits me sometimes.

I found out my husband is living a double life. He tells women we are separated and gets into serious relationships with them, to the point where they stay by his home for extended period. So far, two have got pregnant.

I can understand why the women love him and don't want to let him go because he is really a kind person and very good in bed, but are they dumb? Don't they see that he's not committing to them, and there are weekends when he's visiting me and missing from them?

I had a problem getting pregnant years ago, but now I'm sure I won't because I heard that my husband said he has reached his quota and did a vasectomy.

My husband didn't grow up around his dad, and I found out that as soon as the women get pregnant, he loses interest in them. So perhaps it is a good thing I didn't get pregnant. He still goes to them, but he doesn't entertain them at his house after the babies are born because it's a nest for fresh women.

His dad, who is of mixed race, got more than 20 children before he died because Jamaican women go crazy for men of other races. At times I wonder if he has more children out there that I don't know of.

Tell me what to do, pastor. Should I confront him about the women and the children? I see his phone lighting up at nights and he doesn't make it accessible to me at any time. He didn't give me a key to his house. He doesn't take me there when I get breaks. Even though I work in the hotel industry and he's a cop, our times clash often.

AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH?

Pastor, is his behaviour a choice? is it his father or the fact that he's a cop and cops are wild? What must I do to keep these women away from my husband? Sometimes when he comes, he just wants to rest, and I know it's not the journey, but it's because he's with those women in Kingston.

Is it that mine is not as good as theirs? Did he make a mistake marrying me, pastor? Did he marry me for my land/house? I feel like going into Kingston and sneaking up on him at home, but I don't know what I would do if I caught a girl there.

T

Dear T,

I do not believe that you should declare that all cops are wild and that they have many women. That is not true at all.

Believe it or not, some of them are good Christian men. I am not saying that your husband is not a wild man.

From what you say, he probably is, and he is hiding the truth from you. But you should not judge other cops by using him as an example.

I hope you are not pretending to be someone you are not because I find it strange that you are married to a man and both of you are living in Jamaica but far away from each other, and you do not have a key to his house, and you do not go there.

How is it that you are hearing so many things about this man? He didn't tell you that he had a vasectomy, but you heard so. Strange indeed.

Who told you that this man's father had so many children? You claim that other women love men of mixed race and the girls are of light complexion.

Did you become involved with him because you love men of mixed race, too?

I do not see this relationship as a genuine marriage. But if you do, you should try and persuade your husband to go with you to see a family counsellor.

Pastor