I feel lonely and unloved

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old mother of two little girls. They have different fathers and I am not with either of their fathers. Their fathers are not fully supporting them. They only do so once in a blue moon. I am unemployed at the moment. I have no subjects, so I do bar work. My present boyfriend doesn't want his woman working in bars.

My boyfriend treats my children well. He doesn't treat them in any way that he wouldn't treat his own children. The truth is that he is a good man, but we have been arguing lately. He says all kinds of mean things to me, even in front of my kids. On numerous occasions he told me that he doesn't want me and that I should leave his house.

To be honest, I am ashamed to go back home. I lived with my mother, two younger sisters and my kids before I came to live with my boyfriend. My mother does not treat me well. She burned my bed four years ago and I was sleeping on the floor. When my girls came along, they joined me on the floor. My mother has been cruel to me for almost two years.

My boyfriend sometimes treats me like I am not in his class. I just can't get anything right. He makes me feel so bad sometimes. I have no one to talk to about anything. I am all alone. Sometimes I feel like killing myself, because it is as if nobody cares about me. I feel lonely and unloved. My boyfriend supports me and my girls sometimes. I feel like they would be better off without me because I have nothing to offer them.

I am seriously thinking about killing myself before this month ends. Please offer your fatherly advice. Thank you.

Suicidal

Dear Suicidal,

You say that you are living with your boyfriend and that he treats your children well. He is not their biological father, but he is there for them. He is having issues with you but not with the children. You were working as a bartender. He does not want you to work in a bar. But at the moment, you feel that you are not qualified to do much more.

Of course, if this man genuinely loves you and wants you to improve your education, he could assist you by helping you to go to school. I know people who work in bars and work odd hours, but perhaps that is something you can talk to your boss about. He or she might give you the time to go to school. Generally, employers like to have smart people working for them.

It is unfortunate that your boyfriend is constantly cursing you. Perhaps he feels that you are more of a burden to him because he has to pay all the bills and you are not bringing in much. I hope you do not try to go toe to toe with him when he is talking. I hope you are not using obscene language to him. If he is telling you very unkind things in the presence of the children, that is an indication that he has lost respect for you. That is really sad. But you should try to reason with him and when you are talking, be very calm.

BE CAREFUL

I really feel sorry for you, because not even your mother has been good to you. So, you have to be very careful. You have to makes sure that you do not allow yourself to become pregnant again, because if you can't go back home and be comfortable, what can you do? You see, this man knows that you are at his mercy, so to speak. So he is taking advantage of you. If it is going to be difficult for you to go to evening classes and study for your subjects, you should learn a skill so that you will be able to help yourself and leave the bar work.

I want to make it clear that I am not against anybody who works as barmaids and so on. One may do so and eventually own their own bar. In the meantime, insist that the fathers of the two children support them regularly and if they fail to do so, you should consider taking them to the f amily c ourt for child support. And while you are living at your present boyfriend's house, offer to pay him something every month. You may consider contributing to the light bill or the water bill. Take good care of yourself and I will be praying for you.

I know you are unemployed at the moment, so you can't give the man any financial help, but he should take into consideration that you are taking care of him and his home. You should also tell your friends and everybody that you are willing to do day's work or anything that is legal to support yourself.

Life will not be as difficult with you all the days of your life. Right now it is tough, but taking your life is not the answer to your problem. So, perish that thought. Have you been going to church? If you haven't, start going to church and let the pastor or his wife know that you are willing to assist in the church office or in cleaning the church because you are in financial need. If they can, they will help you. And please, write me again.

Pastor