Husband treating me bad after having our second child

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 29 and I have two children. My husband is 27. He is a very good help to me.

We got married when I was pregnant with my first child. We lived at his mother's home. She is a practical nurse, so she helped me a lot with the first child. My husband paid her every week.

My husband and his mother are very close. His father does not live in Jamaica, but his father and mother are not divorced. He speaks to me often and is always encouraging me. I got pregnant one year after having my first child. My husband was very upset, because he told me that I should use protection. I did not want to take the Pill. When I told him that I was not on the Pill, I begged him not to discharge in me. While we were having sex, I said, "Remember to pull out", and he cursed an 'F' word; I was so shocked. He told me that if I got pregnant, I should leave his mother's f****** house and go about my business.

Throughout the pregnancy, my husband was a changed man. He bought everything for me, but sometimes he grumbled. His mother used to tell him that he should cut out that sort of attitude and be a man. His mother left Jamaica to join his father abroad and when the time came for me to go back to work, we got a helper but it was very costly.

At one time I thought that my husband might have been fooling around the helper because when it came to sex, he ignored me. So I wondered whether he was having sex with the helper, but because of the type of job I do, I came home late sometimes. I asked the helper if my husband has ever fooled around her and she was very upset, so she gave us notice that she was leaving. I had to beg the girl pardon. She described my husband as a gentleman. She said he has never touched her. I don't know how my husband could sometimes see me walk naked from the bathroom to the bed and not even look at me.

There was a time when he would have sex with me three or four times per week, but since I had this child he ignores me. I asked him what does he expect me to do, and why is he punishing me? He said he does not want any more children, and we can start having sex often again if I stop myself from getting pregnant. I know I am too young to stop myself from getting pregnant, because I do not know whether my husband would leave me and I would marry a man who would want a child or two. I would love to have two more children.

I don't know if my husband is having sex outside. He is healthy and strong, and nothing is wrong with me. I am wondering whether we can make an appointment to meet with you for a counselling session.

B.A.

Dear B.A.,

It appears to me that your husband is punishing you and if that is the case, he is totally wrong.

He depended on you to use protection and you did not. The truth is, he is to be blamed also. As the man, he should have suggested what you could do. So if he is punishing you because he did not want another child, he is so wrong.

I am glad that the young lady who worked with you did not leave the job because you asked her whether she was having an affair with your husband. I suppose you did so out of frustration. I will gladly meet with your husband and you some time after Easter. You may call 876-877-1009 and make an appointment to see me.

Pastor