Same age as my boyfriend’s daughter

Dear Pastor,

I am just 20 years old. I am living with my boyfriend at his grandmother's house. I am from rural Jamaica.

I came to Kingston and was living with relatives, but I did not like their lifestyle. They considered me stupid and they wanted me to hit the street every night. My parents are poor, but they were decent people. One of my cousins even tried to get me to agree to have sex with her uncle for money and because I did not agree, she told me that I would have to leave.

One day I was talking to a friend and he asked me how I was doing and I told him not well. I explained everything to him. I also told him that I was looking for a live-in job and if I didn't get one, I would have to go back to the country. He told me to go back to the house and he would meet me there. About 8 o'clock he came and picked me up. He told me that he is living with a woman, but if I would agree, I could stay with him until I was able to find a job. I told him I was afraid, but he assured me that there was nothing to be afraid of and he would not force me to have sex with him.

I went back to the house and took my few belongings in my bag and left. It has been three months and I am still at this man's house, but our relationship has changed. I have found myself loving this man. Sometimes I ask myself if this is genuine love and I say yes.

Now he is telling me that he has heard from his girlfriend and she is not coming back, so I can stay with him and make myself comfortable while I look for a job. I told him that I do not want him to get me pregnant. He used to pull out whenever we have sex, but I told him that I read in your column that one can still get pregnant that way. So now we are using the condom.

The problem is he has a daughter who is my age and he told me not to let her know that we are the same age. Now that I am living at this man's place and doing well, my cousins are always trying to be nice to me. They want to come to where I am living and they are always asking me for money. This man told me not to encourage them to come to his place and I should not trust them. He is 58 but he does not look it. I keep his place clean. I can't cook well, but he is teaching me. I can fry chicken, but I can't cook curry goat and some of the things that he likes.

I am now putting on some weight, but he keeps telling me that I should not get fat. I told him that I would like to go to school, but he said he has to learn to trust me first. I am not going to do anything to cause ruption between us. I told my mother that I have met a man and he is helping me, but I did not tell her his age. When the time comes, this man has promised to take me to see my grandmother and grandfather.

E.P.

Dear E.P.,

It is unfortunate that your relatives did not treat you well. But you were wise enough not to become a part of their lifestyle.

Although you did not spell it out, I think that you are trying to say that your relatives engage in prostitution. You were rescued by the man with whom you are living and I hope that he has told you the truth and nothing but the truth. He is probably embarrassed because you are much younger than him. In fact, you are the same age as his daughter and he does not want his daughter to know because she may feel that you are too young for him.

I hope that you will be able to get a job to help yourself and I also hope that this man loves you enough to assist you to go to school. Do not take the man's money and give it to your relatives; be wise.

Pastor