Boyfriend loves to have sex in the open

Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old woman and I had an experience that I would like to relate to you.

I am seeing a man who is 24 years old and he did something that I do not think is normal. I have had boyfriends, but none of them encouraged me to have sex in a public place. When I met this boyfriend, he wanted to do everything in public. We were travelling in a bus from Kingston to rural Jamaica and he kissed me just like that. The bus was not crowded, so people saw him and a couple of guys at the back cheered him on. He did it several times.

When we got to the hotel, we spent the night together, and early in the morning we decided to go for a swim. Before we could spend much time in the water, he pulled off my bikini, took off his trunks and we had sex in the water. That didn't bother me, but he lifted me from the water and took me on the shore and people were already there; and the man had sex with me and people walked by and saw us.

He said he did not think anything was wrong; we were on holiday and we are to enjoy ourselves, and people should mind their own business. Nobody said anything to us, but I felt embarrassed to know that this man had his long penis before him and people saw when he was pushing it into me. Do you think that is right?

Even at home, he wants us to have sex in the open. I would like you to comment on this problem.

O.G.

Dear O.G.,

I wonder what this man's problem is. Perhaps what we consider a problem is not a problem to this man at all. Some people do enjoy having sex in the open. Many young girls have lost their virginity in places that were not considered private. They did not expect to have sex, but the guys pulled them in a little corner and before the girls could think, the guys had their way with them because guys always have their minds on sex, and are always looking for the opportunity to do so. So having sex in an open space is no shame for a guy. But what is disgusting is that the men don't consider that they should show respect to the women.

A young lady told me that her parents kept a party for her on her 16th birthday and the cook realised that they needed some more salt. They called her and asked her to go and get some from the neighbour. A young man who always loved her accompanied her, and on the way he had sex with her by the wayside. When she got back, they asked her why she stayed so long; she couldn't say a word. During the party, the same guy was dancing away with her, while she said her vagina was burning her. Some guys only want an opportunity; nothing has to be planned.

Some years ago, I did a wedding, and the reception was held at a particular place. The groom was a much older man; the bride had many children. Before they were married, the groom supported these children. On the night of the wedding, they went to a particular hotel and the groom insisted that it would be a waste of money to book a room, so he invited the maid of honour to sleep in the same room with them. She told me that she wasn't comfortable doing that. He told her that his wife and her are best friends, so it won't trouble them at all. So she slept in the same room with them, and that man had the time of his life with his bride while the other woman was in the same room. Some men don't care, but you are a woman and you should care.

Therefore, you should not allow this man to pull you here and there and have sex with you in any open space.

Pastor