Husband doesn’t trust me because of his babymother

Dear Pastor,

My husband and I have been married for three years, but he has never trusted me.

I have asked him many times why he married me if he did not trust me. He said only foolish men put their trust in women. I found out from him that he got a young lady pregnant. She was 20 at the time. She cheated on her boyfriend with him. He knew that he was the one who got her pregnant because she told him. Her boyfriend was in a better position, so she told her boyfriend that the child is his. She convinced him that it was his child and the young man decided that he would marry her; so they planned a wedding and got married. It hurt my husband and he has not got over it. That is part of the reason why he said that only foolish men trust women.

I have never got pregnant. My doctor told me that I do not need to worry; everything is alright on my side. I told my husband that he should go and have himself checked out, but he told me that he would be wasting money. He said he knows that he can get a woman pregnant because he did it already; it is just that the woman didn't give him his child. He knows the man that his babymother got married to. He said that if I don't get pregnant very soon, he is going to call the girl's husband and tell him that the child his wife has is his, and that she cheated on him.

I love my husband, but he is very stubborn. When he met me, he wasn't holding a good job, but now he has a good one. Both of us put money together and save. Our rent is high, but we are coping. He is originally from St Ann. His father has given him a piece of land. I told him to sell the land and use the money to purchase a house in the Corporate Area because I do not intend to live in rural Jamaica. It is a lovely piece of land, but I am not a country girl. He has not agreed to sell the land as yet. I believe that when I get pregnant, he will do so.

I would love to hear your advice.

K.M.

Dear K.M.,

I am sorry to hear that your husband does not trust you; however, you know that you have not done anything to cause him not to.

He had sexual intercourse with a woman who became pregnant. She told him that he impregnated her. But she also told her boyfriend that he was responsible for her pregnancy and she got married to her boyfriend, while she was pregnant for that other man. So that is the reason why he is saying that he does not trust women. You cannot be blamed for anything. He has to learn that statistics show many women in Jamaica have given men 'jackets'.

Your husband and you have been married for three years and he has not got you pregnant yet. It does not mean that he will not get you pregnant; he is anxious to see you get pregnant and you are anxious too. I want you to believe your doctor. It is time for him to cut out the foolish argument and go to see a doctor and find out if he is able to impregnate a woman.

I don't want to discourage you, but I must say that it is not impossible for him to impregnate you. But you can never know until all tests are done. If he cannot get you pregnant, both of you should decide whether you are going to adopt a child. I would love to hear from you on this matter. In the meantime, work with your husband, save money and buy your own place.

If your husband does not want to sell the piece of land his father gave him, don't push him. The land was given to him by his father; allow him to do whatever he wants to do with it.

Pastor