Boyfriend wants to try anal sex

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 22 years old and I have a boyfriend who is 24. He is a soldier.

I do not see him as often as I would like, but we love each other and we communicate often. I am living with my grandparents. They are Christians and they have taught me values. Because I do not see my boyfriend often, I have learnt to have sex without touching him. He has taught me how to make love to myself, and he makes time for me to engage in phone sex with him. I prefer to do so than to become involved with other men.

His grandparents think highly of me and they always tell him that when the time comes, he should marry me because I am a good girl. I did not get many passes in my Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate examinations, but I am going back to evening school and studying hard.

Recently, my boyfriend and I were having sex. We were using the condom and he tried to introduce anal sex to me. I was very shocked. I objected strongly to it, and I asked him when did he start to practise to do that. He said he has never done it. We had sex the normal way, but my mind is not settled with what he did, and I wonder if he has done that with anybody. He said he wanted to know how it felt. Do you think I could trust this man any more?

Up until the time he tried anal sex with me, he and I got along very well. But I am now wondering if I should end the relationship with him. I am anxiously awaiting your answer.

C.L.

Dear C.L,

I know you are an intelligent girl from the tone of your letter. I can see that, and I know you have the right to be concerned. Why should this man try to get you to do anal sex with him? You have already said no to him but he may still try again; and I would suggest that if he tries again, you should end the relationship with him. The anus is never clean. The purpose is not for sexual intercourse. I cannot support such sexual practice. I repeat, if this man tries to engage you in that way again, bring an end to the relationship.

Pastor