Fiancé and I can’t stop cheating on each other

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old woman and I am confused about what to do with my relationship with my fiance.

When we first met, I was unfaithful and having multiple affairs with multiple men. He was also unfaithful. I got pregnant with our first daughter in 2022 and I didn't know for sure if he was the father. He forgave me for that and after I had my daughter, I started flirting again because he cheated when I was pregnant. I then got pregnant again three months after my daughter was born, so he left me, and came back when I was six months pregnant. Then he cheated and we broke up.

We got back together after my second daughter was born. I was hurting because he wasn't there for me with my her and it was very painful. So I was arguing every day or every minute. He destroyed me mentally. A few days ago we had an argument, and he told me he's done once more. So I took a pair of scissors and destroyed his driver's licence.

I love him. He's my first love, but I don't know if I should fight for him or let him go permanently. He constantly leaves, and then I ask for him to come back. He tells me all the things I want to hear, like 'I love you', 'We are going to get married' and 'You're my soulmate'.

I have cheated on him a lot of times and he always forgave me; but now I have turned over a new leaf and have honestly changed.

What should I do?

S.R.

Dear S.R,

This man with whom you are living is a cheater, and so are you.

Evidently, you are not ashamed of what you have done, and he is not ashamed, either. Perhaps both of you consider that you are having an open relationship. You said you have cheated numerous times with multiple men and when I read that, I wondered to myself: What could be missing in your relationship that you cheat multiple times? Is it that the man with whom you live was not satisfying you sexually and you needed more? Or was it because of financial need?

Sometime ago, a young lady told me in a counselling session that her man was good at sex, but there were times when she needed money and he did not have any to give her, so she went with other men. She was brave enough to tell him that she had sex with other men to get money. I asked her what he said, and she told me that he got the message. He didn't like it, but he couldn't do anything about it because it was his fault. He was cheating also, so what was his problem?

You are now declaring that you have changed. The question is, does this man believe that your cheating days are all over? Whether he believes or not, I would advise both of you to kindly make an appointment to see a family counsellor and get some professional help. I also hope that both of you would go to see your family doctor and have yourselves checked out to ascertain whether you are free from sexually transmitted infections.

Please spend time reading your Bible and go to church on weekends. You said you were not sure about whether your boyfriend is the biological father of your daughters. I suggest that you do DNA testing to ascertain whether this man is the father of both children.

Pastor