Wife cheated on me with my daughter’s godfather

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and I have been married twice. I have four children with my first wife.

I went to study in America and while I was there, my wife got involved with another man. I did not believe what I heard, but I spoke to my children and my daughter told me that her 'uncle' visited the house frequently. This was her godfather, who was called uncle out of respect. She told me that there were a few nights that her uncle slept at the house because he attended a party and took my wife with him, and it was too late for him to drive home.

My wife did not know that my daughter told me these things, but I kept it in my heart and wondered if my daughter was speaking the truth. I spoke to one of my brothers about what my daughter said and he told me that he had passed by my house on a number of occasions and he had seen this man's car there at night. So I decided to ask my wife what this man was doing there. When I asked her, she told me that was a lie, but I know it was not because my brother would have no reason for lying on her. I asked my other children how often this man comes to the house, and they told me that he is there very often. My wife became upset because they told her that I questioned them about him.

I came back to Jamaica after I was finished with my course, but my wife and I couldn't be reconciled so we got a divorce. I am living alone but I now have a girlfriend, and the relationship is going well. I would marry this girl but I am not interested in having any more children, and she wants children. Four children are enough.

My girlfriend is now 35. She is indeed a lovely girl. She is very caring and good-looking, but I do not want more children. I told her that if she insists that she wants children, she should get herself another man. She tells me that means that I don't love her. I do love her, but I want to have the rest of my days without having children all over my house.

Am I too selfish? Let me hear what you have to say.

M.D.

Dear M.D.,

I am sorry to know that your marriage was ruined. How often should I repeat that long-distance relationships can cause separation.

You and your wife were apart for a little while and she got into trouble and got involved with another man. Your daughter didn't have any reason to lie on her mother, and neither did the other children. Your brother told you what he saw, but your wife would not admit anything.

You did not have a forgiving heart, so you divorced her. Now you are with this younger woman and although the both of you would like to get married, another problem has arisen because you do not want to have any more children. But the young lady is only 35 years old and she wants to have a child. I can't tell you what to do, except to remind you that you are not too old to get another child. But you must know what you want.

Don't encourage your girlfriend to stick around if you don't intend to impregnate her.

Pastor