Boyfriend admitted that he abused a young girl

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I need your advice. I have been living with my boyfriend who is 24 for almost six years.

We started dating from high school. When I was 18, I came to live with him permanently because my aunt threatened to kill me. I went through it for years; I had to stay with her because I had no one else to turn to, so I started dating my boyfriend and I told him about what I was going through; he told me I could come and stay with him.

My parents are dead so I didn't have any other choice but to stay with my boyfriend. At the time, my older siblings had problems of their own and their children to maintain, so I stayed at my boyfriend's place because I did want to be a burden to them. His family agreed that I could stay there permanently.

We have had arguments. We have gone through a lot, but we stuck to each other. We have never cheated on each other. Recently, we had our first baby; we are trying our best to raise her. But I recently found out things about him and his family that have traumatised me. I heard that his brother molested his niece and their family covered it up. But I did not take it seriously. But I found out that it is true.

When my boyfriend was 14 and his brother was in his 20s, he molested his niece who was attending primary school. The family said that the girl was lying. Now the girl is grown and she spoke about it. She also said that he was not the only one who molested her. One of the brothers has now admitted that he had sex with her, but he was young and didn't understand what he was doing. He is willing to apologise.

My boyfriend said he did not molest his niece. So I called the girl's brother who caught his uncle in the act and he admitted that his uncle molested her. He said that when my boyfriend was 14, he had sex with a nine-year-old girl and who was his older brother's stepdaughter. My boyfriend admitted that he tried to have sex with the girl, but his penis couldn't enter into her, so he used his finger and his older brother caught them and beat him. He told them that he would never do it again.

I am so shocked because all these years I have been with this man, I did not know about his dirty deeds. This thing is on my mind because my nephew tried to rape me once when I was a child. When I told his mother about it, she accused me of lying. But I have ended up with a man who was guilty of the same thing. He said I should not use that against him because he was young and he made a mistake. I cannot look pass that. I don't see him as the same person I fell in love with. If he was not caught, he might have continued to touch the girl.

I work but I don't trust these people around my baby any more. His mother keeps my baby when I go to work. I have never seen any unusual activity with them and my baby. But hearing these things, I can't trust them. Give me your advice.

Initial Withheld

Dear ......,

Your boyfriend finally admitted that he sexually abused one of his relatives, and that his older siblings had sexual intercourse regularly with his niece.

You heard people in the community saying things about your boyfriend and his siblings, but you did not believe until one of the girls had the courage to talk about it. You have become very concerned about what can happen to your own child. You know that when you were growing up, a male relative tried to have sex with you and when you complained, you were accused of lying. You have a right to wonder whether you are in a good family. I can see that you love this man, but you cannot be careless. This man needs counselling and so do his brother and the niece they have molested.

The good Lord can turn your boyfriend around but he needs professional help. You should tell him that you have written to me and I am suggesting that both of you go to see a family counsellor. You should also encourage his niece to undergo therapy. I will be quite willing to ask a therapist to meet with her without charge.

Concerning his mother who is taking care of your baby, I am sure she is trying to do her best. So please do not say anything to her about your concerns. She will be greatly offended. Make sure that your child is protected at all times.

Pastor