One of my girlfriends is too wild

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and I have two girlfriends. I like the both of them, but only one is having sex with me.

She lives with her grandmother and she has lots of time for us to meet. She is 19 years old. My other girlfriend is under strict rules. She cannot go anywhere without permission from her parents, so we have never had sex. She is planning to leave Jamaica, because most of her relatives are in America.

I told her that wherever she goes, I will find her. Her parents don't know that we are friends. The other girl's grandmother knows about me. Whenever my girlfriend does not see me, she frets. I know she is not a perfect girl because she started to have sex when she was 16, and she is the one who took my virginity. She keeps condoms in her handbag. I asked her one day if she has ever cheated and she said just once. I was very surprised at her answer. She said she did it because she wanted sex and for a whole week, she couldn't find me. A guy from the neighbourhood stopped by and she got involved with him.

I have not got involved with any other girl, but I know that I will continue the friendship I am having with my girlfriend who is planning to go to America. This other girl told me that her girlfriends have sex with other guys and they don't consider anything wrong with it. She also said that when her mother was pregnant with her, she had sex with another man and her father found out and left her mother. Maybe that's the reason why she had to go with the guy in the community when she did not see me.

I told the other girl that before she leaves for America, I would love to be introduced to her parents. I would like to give her a promise ring, so that she would know that I am serious about her. I would like to hear what advice you can give me concerning these two girls.

G.L.

Dear G.L.,

This young lady who told you that she became sexually active when he was 16 years old, and after not seeing you for just one week, had sex with a guy who lives in the community, is not a good young woman.

You should end the relationship with her. You say she is always walking with condoms. Perhaps she would have got pregnant already if she was not always prepared to protect herself from pregnancy. You ought not to have such a woman in your life. She cannot be trusted. She doesn't even have any shame; she told you that her mother cheated on her father while she was pregnant with her. So her father left her mother. She was not a good woman, and neither is her daughter. Give her up.

You did not say whether you are working. You need to get a career, and you need to tell this young woman that she would not have died by not having sex. She may curse you and call you a fool, but move on. Perhaps she sells herself. She says her girlfriends don't consider it wrong to have sex with different guys. Yes, there are girls like that, and they develop a very bad reputation. Guys know that they can always give them money and have sex with them. You don't need such a woman in your life.

Concerning this matter of meeting the parents of this young lady who is planning to go to America. That is your desire. Make sure you discuss that with her. However, don't waste your money on buying a promise ring; I don't support that. The young lady should go, and both of you keep in touch. If both of you feel in a few years' time that the relationship is steady, you may consider getting married. But don't tie up yourself or the young lady by giving her a promise ring. To me, that is nonsense.

Pastor